Episode 4: "Our Time to Shine"
Survivor 28: Cagayan Vidcap gallery
In which the Beauty tribe teaches us all a valuable lesson about the birds (chickens) and the bees. Wait, no, scratch the bees. And on Brawn, a very successful plan was hatched.
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Nice try, Camera Operator, but Spencer is at least a year too young to be the Nevermind baby -
Well, Tribal sucked. Time to throw Jeremiah under the bus... er, shelter -
It's ok, LJ. Anyone would be at this camp. -
That was tough when Morgan outed my alliance with her. Pretty sure I handled that like a pro. -
Ladies, I'm right here in the shelter with you. Just because my eyes are closed doesn't mean I can't hear you talking about me. Sheesh, this tribe. -
Morgan said some very interesting things about Jeremiah. Sure, she just voted against me, and was mad it didn't work, but I think we can all agree Jeremiah is the real traitor here. -
It's treemail! And already, everyone is looking down at Luzon camp. -
Come on, SEG. If you're going to laserprint the treemails, at least use a basic grammar checker on those last two lines. -
We should practice this, since our last practice made us, if anything, worse. -
Psst, J'Tia... it's over there. -
Brains, getting their first look at the less-fabulous Beauty tribe -
Brawn, getting their first look, except Woo, who's staring at Tony's head -
Why is everyone looking at us? It's 'cuz we're pretty, right? -
Pre-challenge lineup, Ep4 RC, with skillfully concealed chickens -
Maybe this Home Alone thing Alexis keeps doing is to protect her cheeks from sun damage? -
The snoozing before the bruising -
Brains leading! Or tied, anyway -
Don't make me come back there -
Hans Moleman Presents: Man Getting Hit By Football -
Oops. Did I do that? Uh... sorry? -
Left, right, eh... whatever, we'll just drop it at the end, anyway -
Ouch -
Are we merging already? -
But the rail! His groin! It works on so many levels! -
Spencer, FOMO -
Survivor? I barrelly know her! -
Jefra deftly pilots the LJ-crashing-into-things machine to its final item -
What this challenge really needed was an area just covered in rakes -
Beauty wins chickens. Yay, etc. -
You haven't taken any groin shots yet, Tony! You're gonna have to PICK IT UP! Ah, there we go. -
Brains ensure that their flag follows proper heraldry display etiquette for horizontal display before being raised. This will be shown on TV, after all. -
Oh great, now Tony and Lindsey have gotten tangled up with the people on the sidelines -
Consarn it! -
Eeeexcellent. -
Stupid buff! Why did it have to be green? Why not purple? -
Nice work, Morgan. Looking forward to a similar effort in the IC. -
Yay, eggs. Protein for the pro's team. -
Departing Aparris. -
And then there's Luzon. -
Thanks for saving the swap until next week, jerk. -
Last week, we learned that butterflies emerge directly from caterpillars. Stay tuned for today's biology lesson on Beauty Understands the Beasts. -
The last line reads: 'We can't believe you didn't find it from the first clue' -
Well! A clue! This is exciting! Let's never speak of it again, for the rest of the episode. -
I know! Let's talk about egg laying! -
The following segment may not be appropriate for the weak of brain. Viewer discretion is advised. -
I can't take any more of this discussion. Please, kill me first. I hear I taste like chicken. -
What makes them lay eggs? It's heat lamps, right? Right? -
You had us at 'I don't think' -
Which end is the head, again? -
I guessed right. Phew. -
Ew. This dead chicken is even less attractive than you homely people. -
Mmm, chickeny. -
Wait, the camera's on me? Hey! I'm still here! I didn't quit! Wait, where are you going? -
We're bored with all this winning. We really want to see what this Tribal Council thing is all about. -
We have to take out Cliff? Yeah, that seems logical. Every person on a jury would want to give a rich guy more money, right? -
I finally get a confessional, and I have to talk about taking out my hero, Cliff? -
Best vidcap, ever -
We got Woo? Woo! -
With the surprise addition of Trish, there are actually four people in my alliance now. Let's go lose a challenge! -
Lindsey and Cliff, actually in the same place at the same time. Tony was right! -
Not as grim as the fake stray ink marks in the font you used for this treemail, guys -
Brawn, talking about the treemail -
Apparently the IC is basketball. Have you heard? I used to play that. -
By 'throw it,' you mean the balls... into the hoops, right? -
Dude, I get a second confessional, and you film it with me looking directly in the sun? What is wrong with you guys? -
Tell us, Jeff. What kind of challenge is this? We would never know, otherwise. -
Brawn selects the people who will not be throwing this challenge. Psst... raise your hand, Cliff. -
Excuse me? Do you know what makes chickens lay eggs, Jeff? We can't decide whether it's heat lamps or Love. -
Starting line, Ep4 IC. -
Oh, that's too deep. With the water and the not breathing and the untying? Someone else take a shot. -
I don't think she gave 110% on that. -
Things are going swimmingly for Beauty -
Less so for the Brains -
Sigh, guess old Cliff has to do the job himself. -
Suspended Spencer. -
Nice work, Morgan. Keep it up. -
SuperWoo! Refuses to fail! -
And so it came to pass that Solana finished the second stage of the challenge before either other tribe finished the first. -
Oh my god. They killed Spencer. You bastards. -
Watch and learn, children -
Okay, so you stand like that? Got it. -
Hey? Someone? Anyone? There's a ball over there. -
J'Tia activates Spencer's Hulk mode -
I am not a crook. -
I feel sorry for those nerds, but whatevs. -
Well. That was unexpected. -
Sigh. -
Ha ha! You suck, nerds! Although, technically, we failed at failing. -
I asked you guys to trade me to the Beauty tribe two weeks ago. Thanks a lot, Probst. -
So. Here we are. Again. -
Okay, so it's decided: We'll boot J'Tia. -
On the other hand, we still have five minutes to kill, so let's pretend we might boot Spencer. -
Are you in on this filler segment, J'Tia? ...Yeah, whatever. -
I'm like the 'Hang In There' cat! Psst... J'Tia, there's a branch right behind you where you could re-enact the poster more accurately. -
How much time do we have left now? Two minutes? Ooookay. Um, it might make more sense to boot Spencer. Wink, wink. -
This IS just making up stuff to kill time, right? -
Finally, the long wait is over. -
Can we just skip to the vote then? I got nothing. -
Come on, Jeff, it's not our fault you didn't have enough footage of Beauty talking about eggs, or ultimately pointless Brawn subplots to pad the episode. -
Yeah, seriously. Couldn't you have hidden an idol in plain sight at our camp, or something? -
Can we play Rock 'n' Roll Jeopardy while we're waiting? -
Least surprising vote ever? -
I'm only voting for you because I can't vote for Probst -
Oh great, Spencer fell asleep. Nice hosting, Jeff. -
Hmm, I guess that snuffer is effective, but I still think you should try using rice.
Jeff Pitman is the founder of the True Dork Times, and probably should find better things to write about than Survivor. So far he hasn't, though. He's also responsible for the Survivometer, calendar, boxscores, and contestant pages, so if you want to complain about those, do so in the comments, or on Bluesky: @truedorktimes
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