Tonight, a special treat: We're LIVE! Except on the west coast. Even though we're filming here, you guys don't exist, as far as we care.

Sooooo... that was fun.

Tony had a special idol, I had an immunity necklace. Whatevs.

We're live, right? Can I get Tyler Perry to autograph this?

I flushed another idol!

Final Four treatment? Well, at least they didn't call it Fallen Comrades.

This is even better than Jeff Probst delivering food!

There she is, good old stone-faced Kass. Never shows any emotion.

Isn't Probst supposed to introduce the loved ones one at a time? Was he getting his beauty sleep, or something?

Yeah. Great. That's much better than the $100,000 fan favorite award.

You guys, I just need one more immunity to reach the final three. Why are you distracting me with family on DAY THIRTY-FRICKING-SEVEN?

Woo! Cousin!

You bring people halfway around the world, deliver them in a fancy speedboat, and we have to drink out of faux-rustic wooden mugs?

Luckily, Woo's cousin managed to smuggle in his invisible bong

Enjoying the traditional finale family visit feast

Ha ha, suckers! It's not an RC for advantage today, but final four immunity. If you complain, we'll make your loved ones compete in your place.

That bald guy tried to speak 'llama' to me. Did I miss something?

Fine, you can be on Survivor 31: Blood vs. Water 3.

Can we just skip the challenge and vote the loved ones out at Tribal?

Look quickly, and you may even see Lindsey.

Woo!

Ah, there's Lindsey. Well, that's enough.

So Jeff, we can tag out and have our loved ones do the puzzle part of this, right?

Just sitting on a flagpole, pouring water from a pail. As was the style at the time.

Uh... guys? Squatting isn't really required for an aqua-dump.

You just made an aqua-dump joke? BRA-VO.

Tony, first to the puzzle! This always turns out well.

Woo! Buckets of fun.

Nice work, seating the visitors where they have NO ABILITY TO SEE how their loved ones are doing on the puzzle, Survivor.

Well, there's one thing we can agree on: Poor Kass has no chance now.

Sez you!

And just like that, Kass has almost caught up on the puzzle

Who's out of the challenge now, huh?

Go, Kass! You're almost there! Or so I assume, since I can only see the number of pieces left on the ground!

Mic drop.

This time, I'm really going to kick the football.

Again, you can never tell when Kass is happy or sad. Does she even have emotions?

That shoulda been me...

Psst, hey Kass... I know Colby Donaldson

In other news: Spencer, you're screwed.

Thanks a lot, Probst.

The Solarrion tribe, in descending order of happiness.

So we're voting out Spencer, right? Let's just skip straight to Tribal.

Well, you COULD force a tie and make me and Woo start fires. That could be fun, right?

Fire-making is life, Tony.

Bad news, Woo. We're voting Spencer out. Don't go dumping the rice, please.

Phew! For a second there, I thought they were voting out J'Tia.

Woo goes into a 20-minute brainstorming session for future tiebreakers at Tribal. Our favorite: highest score on a Survivor slot machine

A re-shoot of the day's earlier camp-leaving scene, this time with the loved ones replaced by torches

Why yes, I DID win immunity, Jeff. Thanks for noticing.

Even the camera crew has already written Spencer off at this point.

Bitter jurors being bitter.

Technically, I'm still here. So we COULD force a tie.

Let's see what I have in my back of tricks, young lad

I had this one signed earlier. It says 'Hugs and kisses, Tyler Perry.' The special power is: I get to dress up as a grandma. Pretty sweet, I must say.

Dammit. I KNEW that was not Tony's grandma 'helping' me on the puzzle.

Whoa. That was... TONY?

Okay, thanks guys. We managed to squeeze more than half an hour out of an obvious F4 boot. Good work.

See you on 31, Spencer.

I still kind of wish I'd been traded to the Beauty tribe.

Somewhere under my hand is John Cochran! I will try not to crush him.

Woo!

Least-thrilled final three in Survivor history?

Whoa... you guys do these confessional things at night? Have you been doing this all season?

As would we all, Woo. As would we all.

Okay, now THAT's a maze.

Woo saw the hashtag first! Let's just skip the challenge and give him the necklace.

Okay, fine. Let's do the challenge. Go ahead and make seeing your hashtags seem unimportant.

Probst: 'Uh, guys? I'm over here. Please turn back around and look at me. Ahem. No, really.'

Probst: 'That's better.'

Probst: 'Geez, what is it with you guys? I'm BEHIND you!'

Sorry, Probst. Can't talk. Eating up valuable screen time untying knots.

Yay! More knots!

This is huge. We really needed this.

Jeff Probst: The man behind the machinations.

Woo cranks his wheel!

Kass cranks her wheel!

Woo!

Woo!

Oh, well. Woo is obviously taking me to the end, anyway. I hope.

Thank you, God! I will never, ever, regret winning this challenge.

Two hours later...

Woo, you're so awesome. Is it ok if I call you by your last name from now on? Would that be Hwang?

[Collective groan]

Brobst!

We've swapped the immunity necklace with one made of gold foil-wrapped chocolate. Let's see if Woo notices.

We have 12 kids here hoping to ask Malcolm a question!

This is so totally sweet. Generally, I prefer dark chocolate, though.

Woo, waiting to be wooed.

Time to Brawn down to the end with Woo.

Good news, Woo. I found another idol today, so you should probably vote for Kass.

Whoa!

You don't seriously believe that, do you?

Next thing you know, he'll be claiming he ate the entire immunity necklace to avoid making this decision.

Urgh... I probably should have removed the foil first.

As it turns out, the immunity necklace makes Woo grow to 1000x normal size. He prepares to eat the entire island. Kass runs in fear. The end.

Oh... right. No, we actually have to go to the F3 Tribal. Sorry.

Woo won immunity? Aw, man. We were hoping Tony would be F2. This should be a snooze-fest.

Can we just skip the questions, and let the not-quite-so-young lad make his vote?

No further questions, please.

Ooookay.

I should probably disguise my handwriting, so Kass doesn't know who voted for her.

Ciried.

Sigh.

Once again: Kass. So inscrutable.

I can get Eliza-like too! WTF?

Uh... can someone help? My jaw is locked now.

Two!

Dude, I hope there isn't a final two immunity challenge tomorrow.

Mmm, beef bacon.

Tony absconds with another idol clue.

Dig by the pond.

Tony practices his hangdog expression.

Turns out there were no idols hidden in the mirror or the scales. I checked.

Double Woo!

What's up, Probst?

Are we grimacing enough? Anyone have a mirror?

It's time to come clean: I'm not a construction worker.

As for me, ladies and gentleman, I have a PhD in particle physics, but my first love is my boutique publishing company for avant-garde poetry.

Probst: 'That's nice, Woo. Can we get a shot of me, though? I'm the star, here.'

Parvati! You know a lot about final three seasons that were cut down to F2 at the last second. Tell us about that.

If I mention Cops-R-Us, can I get partial credit for the hashtag?

I woke up for this?

Was that your question?

Is it okay to talk about boobs in prime time?

Okay, Tony, here's my question: Are people still doing the goatee thing? It should be coming back by now, right?

I plan to vote for whoever won more immunities than I did. Which one of you was that?

Does anyone remember my twitter password? Asking for a friend.

Tony, I'm sending you a cease and desist order over your use of the hashtag #chaos. Pretty sure I have the IP rights there.

Why is my shoulder burning?

I didn't do it.

We think you did, Tony!

Tony, seriously: Do people still register personal domain names? And if so, why? Asking for a friend.

Insert reverse Cardona speech here. Woe betide anyone who calls it a Murphy.

Aww....

Uhhh....

Wow, they've really let the weeds get out of hand in this studio.

Jury

Bring it, Probst.

Speed it along, Probst, so you can get on with not talking to us at the Reunion.

You really could have used the Y as the mouth, and turned the O into an eye, like Tasha did. 10 points from Gryffindor.

Great, now my back is on fire. Put me out, Woo.

He did. Awww.

Stage dive!

Wow, they managed to fit the entire cast on the stage again. What are the odds?

I don't get a hashtag for winning? Sigh. I guess a chyron will have to do. Plus the check.

That's high praise, USA Today. Thanks.

SJdS-BvW2 FTW. Wait, were those skulls on the center bar drawn by small children, or something? Oh well, all hope is lost.