Well, Tribal Council last night was good. I got my nemesis voted out, and I have an idol in my pocket. Smooth sailing from here on out. Should I unbutton my shirt more?

Everybody loves a good blindside, except the people blindsided. Thanks, guys.

Sure, I'll join your alliance, Garrett, as long as you don't blow it up by talking about it at Tribal Council.

Cliff, itching at the bit to try out the boat that, for unknown reasons, nobody has touched for three days.

Islanders.

Must have caught a rogue wave, or something.

Spoiler alert: Cliff Robinson is still quite tall.

Cliff and Woo took the boat out. I loved it! I laughed. I cried. It was much better than Cats.

'First mission: Fail.' Not in our hearts, Woo.

Party time at Beauty camp! Yeah! Woo! (No, not Woo. Wrong tribe. Sorry.)

I am wise to Alexis's subtle tricks, like using the secret power of bowling to lure LJ in.

Stop giving production ideas for challenges, Alexis!

#spybrice

Let's talk about poop, guys! There's no way they'll put that on TV!

Jeremiah carefully avoids getting trapped in Silicone Valley

Nah, she's pretty Bland, mostly.

Seems legit.

We need Wood? He's on the other tribe, Trish. Gotta wait until a swap or a merge.

I should probably wait until I calm down to give this confessional, but what the hell, I'm good and angry now.

I will now dismissively imitate Trish, to gales of laughter all around.

I will now dismissively imitate Lindsey, who is clearly part T-Rex, part hissing cat. Wow, Tony is a tough crowd.

Ha ha, we're laughing now, but soon the laughter will turn to tears of pain.

Maybe it would be for the best if I could hide from these people for days at a time. Yeah, I think I'll do that.

Wow, this tribe took a dark turn. What can we do for comic relief? I dunno, dismember this crab, maybe?

Brains tribe, Ep2 RC/IC. Ready to finally live up to their name. Possibly.

The puzzle. Fish, fish, everywhere, but not a bite to eat.

Brawn. Ready to stomp some smarts, again.

Full pre-challenge lineup, Ep2 RC/IC.

Beauty, probably out of luck, right?

Starting line, Brawn tribe. Seems like just a few months ago this was Tadhana vs. Galang

J'Tia, ready to yell 'Don't let that fool you!'

Jeremiah unties things.

Garrett, also untying things.

Garrett, pretty much single-handedly getting Luzon back to the beach.

As if.

Tony attempts to speed his team up by attracting sharks.

Don't worry, Garrett. There's pretty much no chance of that happening.

Despite a formerly huge lead by Luzon, Aparri now zips ahead, thanks to Sarah.

Smells like team spirit.

Well, at least there's one thing we can all agree on: Beauty is hopelessly dead in the water. Amirite?

Hmm, okay. Never mind. That was unexpected.

Go, Sarah! We need that fishing gear, assuming someone figures out how to use the boat!

Done.

Don't mind me, I'll just be a minute.

I'm not getting confident now, Garrett! Are you happy?

Am I on the wrong tribe, Jeff? I should be on Beauty. That LJ is dreamy.

Side note: Alexis was cast for the coveted Brenda role of making excited faces during challenges.

Beauty! A miraculous recovery!

---awkward silence---

I sure am glad we got rid of that triathlete, David.

This puzzle game is flawed!

Brawn, here's the red idol. Try not to get any bloodstains on it.

Beauty, you also get an idol.

You feel like you blew it on the puzzle, J'Tia? You don't say!

We won the challenge, but Tony ripped his toe open. What a dummy.

We won a huge container of reward items, and I'm the only one who bothered to root through them for an idol clue. Who's the dummy now, Sarah?

Ooh, is that body of water the latrine we dug?

We really hope this is Tony finding an idol, and not aquadump footage.

Well that's a relief.

My precious.

Mmmm, lion-y.

I'm home free now! Nothing bad can happen to someone who finds an idol this early in the game!

TOTALLY agree, Tony. Totally agree.

One big happy Luzon family.

This 'open forum' thing is the worst! But dumping water and/or rice on the fire? I'm okay with that.

Can I PLEASE get traded to Beauty now?

Ha! We don't do such things on THIS tribe.

They left the crazy person alone! With a camera crew!

She is the author of her own fate. (Brandon Hantz will be suing for copyright infringement as soon as he marries this girl he's engaged to on facebook, which should be any day now, he swears.)

Look on the bright side, Garrett: So are you.

'I'd like to see the criteria they used for Brains.' Also Beauty, tbh.

Jeff, seriously. Before we start, can you swap me to Beauty? That LJ guy seems smart enough. Definitely for this tribe.

You know, Jeff, I'm starting to think her t-shirt isn't entirely accurate.

I can't believe you guys are booting me and keeping her. Seriously, WTF?

No caption necessary.

Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to expose Kass's alliance with us here at Tribal? Nah. We're good.

For future reference, I am the one who spells your name correctly.

Aw crap. There's a hashtag down there, isn't there?

Eh, high variance.

...of the Beauty tribe, I mean

Next time on... Survivor. J'Tia sets fire to the bastardized logo. Nobody complains.