Episode 13: "Straw that Broke the Camel's Back"
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As the game winds down, everyone is getting testy, especially Spencer, who misses out on his first post-merge reward. Sad. But some constants still hold.
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There are three other players still active, but these are the only two the editors care about. Spencer is also present. -
Spencer: Why didn't you vote with us, Woo? Woo: I'll consider it. -
I miss explaining things to Jefra. -
Not now that you've said it out loud and jinxed it! Thanks a lot. -
I thought it was important to clear the air with Tony, give him some behind-the-scenes info from the reward -
Tony, I have a confession: At the reward, I did some tae kwon do, and played a bit of basketball. -
Woo is so genuine, I had no idea he'd handed out backpacks to underprivileged kids. But because he did, he's gotta go. -
Your final three. As far as you know. -
Wait, what are these two still doing here? Oh, right. This is just the F5 reward challenge -
Wait, they're not doing this in teams? How does that even work? -
The best part of the Dream Team helicopter challenge re-enactments is when the fake contestants don't even resemble the real ones from a distance, such as the dark-haired 'Kass' and 'Trish' seen here. -
Trish decides to relax and enjoy the full-body soak -
Kings Landing residents storm the Mud Gate. -
Tony and his superior surface area. -
Uh... guys? I'm sinking. Someone get me out. Just because my facial expression doesn't change, it doesn't mean I'm not panicking. -
New sponsor pitch: Tide, it gets even the most ridiculous Survivor stains out. YOU'RE WELCOME, CBS/SEG -
Mmmm, alluring mud removal. -
Aw, the fun's over? So soon? -
Wow, I thought carrying extra mud over my eye would be a winning tactic -
And in the end, Tony beats the unicorn -
I got myself THIS dirty to not win? -
Settle down, Spencer. You've won the hearts of America. Isn't that enough? -
Well, after Woo, of course -
She's hugging Tony. Phew! That's a relief. For a second, I thought she was going to hug ME. -
Uh... guys? The mud hardened. Anyone have a small hammer, or something, to crack the mud and let me out? -
Tough luck, Woo. Maybe you should have voted with us last Tribal Council, like you said you would -
Man, not winning reward really sucks. Still, since when does Trish deserve this? -
You didn't get it here in 30 minutes, guys. Guess it's free. -
Look. This is Survivor, okay? It's not 'Dainty Dining.' Gimme a freakin' break. -
Cagayan Crispy Crust Pizza. CCCP. Stealthily indoctrinating America to pave the way for the resurgence of the Soviet Union. Enjoy, comrades. -
Sez you. Do I look like I read pizza boxes? -
His appetite for pizza sated, Tony prepares to eat Tiny Kass. -
Don't get too excited, Trish. Gotta play my idols at the next two Tribals, as far as you know. -
Whoops. Did I miscount? Silly me. -
Why, you little...! (strangling sounds) -
The longest-lived alliance in Survivor history -
Two seconds later... -
He's talking about me, isn't he? Damn, I KNEW I shouldn't have told him about the basketball demonstration -
Gunter, are you blowin' it up in here? -
Absolutely. -
Upon review, Spencer actually does have facial hair in 1080p. -
#CoconutHuskDippingLadleBandit. -
We've reached the point in Survivor: Cagayan where nobody can stand to look at each other. Or do it while seated. -
I can still do it while squinting, tho. Arr. -
Hurrah! A series of puzzles rescues us from trying to make sitting around the camp seem semi-amusing -
Puzzles! (R-to-L): Spencer: Got it. Tony: Got it. Woo: Woooooooh no! Trish: I'm great at all challenges! Kass: Grrr. -
Hooray! Untying knots that aren't even really tied! -
Naturally, Tony would get the lane with the embedded Bald Spot Cam. -
Tony! Now has an insurmountable lead! You might as well all just give up! -
Tony! Literally carrying oaths made on his family on his back! -
Welp, might as well stick a fork in it, Probst. -
But wait, everyone is still theoretically in this! Except Trish. -
Who knew the Young Lad was good at puzzles? What are the odds? -
It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times? You stupid monkeys! -
Look it over, my good man. I suspect you'll find everything is in order, hmm? -
Man, I JUST missed that. -
Events not seen in this challenge - Woo: already on the slide puzzle, Kass: one plank away -
Man, am I relieved you made it to the finale, Spencer. -
Note Woo's just-started slide puzzle -
Worst-case scenario, Spencer won. Ah, who am I kidding? This is perfect for me. -
Pro-tip: The immunity necklace also functions as a handy and attractive buff holder -
I won immunity! Woo! I mean, Spencer! I should probably practice that. -
Do you think I'm stupid, Kass? Just because I finished two stages behind Woo in a puzzle challenge? -
You finished behind Woo too, Kass! Barely! -
Come at me, bro -
Can we just go to Tribal now? -
Well... we should probably pull Woo in first -
Woo, you're not gonna bail on us, like the last time you went off to talk strategy with two people, right? -
Tony repeats the question in llama, just to be safe -
Ahhh! Don't eat the apple, Woo! -
King Joffrey. Queen Cersei. Ser Ilyn Payne. The Hound... -
Whoa, you think Tony might be trying to trick me? That seems unlikely. -
Spyshack: Mobile edition -
Come on, Tony. I think we all know the answer to that. -
Let me consider that question.... -
Everybody loves Tribal Council! -
Shiny happy people -
Yeah, it was fun until Skeletor attacked me. -
Mrowr! -
Ooh! This is getting GOOOD! -
Technically, I think that metaphor is a bit forced, since Kass doesn't really resemble He-Man. -
Why am I surrounded by nerds and idiots? Why?! -
Take Kass... please! -
Ha ha! That's a hilariously original joke! Here at Tribal Council! -
I'm going to make a reference to a John Hughes movie that came out like, the year I was born, while Spencer mentions a Jack Nicholson one that's like five times as old as he is -
I saw that one! -
Let's bring this back to the modern age: Look, Tyler Perry. See? He wrote his name on the back. -
Whoa. He's like the best filmmaker ever. -
I'm gonna keep the gold one, Jeff. I'm more of a summer than a winter. -
Lap of luxury. -
The Last Supper of idols. -
This IS just a plain old regular idol. -
They all voted for me? -
Again with the Probst-facing snuff? Rude -
Okay, not quite THAT rude, but still. Rude. -
Note added in proof.
Jeff Pitman is the founder of the True Dork Times, and probably should find better things to write about than Survivor. So far he hasn't, though. He's also responsible for the Survivometer, calendar, boxscores, and contestant pages, so if you want to complain about those, do so in the comments, or on Bluesky: @truedorktimes
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