Episode 12: "Havoc to Wreak"
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It's the one where the reward winners get to visit a local school! Except that it takes so long that signs on the wall are literally crying out in protest.
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This charming fellow was the most interesting thing shown in the first 10 minutes. Feel free to skip ahead, if you must. -
Kass is mad, Tony's move at the previous Tribal Council made her feel small -
You're doing it again, giant Tony! -
As are we all, Tony. As are we all. -
Well! I handled that pretty smoothly. -
I'm against you, Tony! -
This is great! I'm getting credit for a move Tony made, and he gets all the blame! -
That seems pretty low, Tony. If we had guns here, that'd be at least double, and just from Jefra. -
Not according to various fan power rankings, she's not. -
Seriously? You made me hike out to give a confessional in the middle of a 2-day rainstorm, about an argument that ended yesterday? I'm drenched here! -
I'm also soaking wet, but things are still going great, without my having to do anything! Survivor is cake! -
I said you were so dumb and irrational that you made my brain itch, Kass. I would never say you're a bitch. That would be rude. -
Well isn't that special? -
The one time CBS had an appropriate hashtag at the ready, and they blew it. -
Now you're making me feel small, Kass! -
Seriously? We've spent 10 minutes on Kass mis-hearing Tony. Can't we move on to a challenge or something? -
No, let's argue some more, because Tony's about to mention an idol. -
Seven words, Kass: The idol formerly known as Tyler Perry. -
Boo. -
Are you talking to me? -
Hooray! A challenge! Finally! You can stop jabbing sharp objects into your earholes now! -
Kids? I didn't sign up for this. -
Will there be cavorting, Jeff? It seems like there's never enough cavorting at these rewards. -
Production's attempt to cut down on contestants sandbagging during reward challenges: Force them to use sandbags -
All lined up to watch Kass's shot. -
You guys... ugh, try to arrange yourselves more artistically next time. -
Puzzling, already in progress -
The window of our discontent -
Everyone's a critic. Except, surprisingly, Tony. -
Woo and Kass actually won a reward! -
Your time will come, too, Trish. Maybe. Unless you can't pull it off next episode, in which case you're fresh out of luck. -
Spencer: Can we speed this up? My rightful and expected reward feast awaits me, Probst. -
Is Woo here yet? No? Just some old people with cameras? Dammit. -
Patience, children. We were forced to ride in an authetically local but slow vehicle, instead of the big-ass truck we arrived in on day one. -
Or the helicopter the Brains rode in on. Why couldn't we have used that? -
Repeat after me, kids: Woo! -
Are you watching this, Cliff? Please say yes. -
Not so close, monsters. I haven't had my shots against cooties. -
Are there any volunteers here named Spencer? Okay. How about Spencers who are over 5 feet tall? -
Psst, Woo, the target is to the right a bit. -
Who knew Woo had so many entertainment skills? All Spencer and I could do up there when it was our turn was twerk. -
What? You don't want me to dribble the students? Sigh. Fine. -
After five hours, the school's wall cries out in silent protest: 'Goodbye. Please. I beg you.' -
Mmm, authentic American-style hot dogs and french fries. -
Who said anything about final three? No, we want you to sit next to us while we're eating, Woo. Why are you way over there? Do we smell that bad? -
Hmm, how do I respond to that without offending those stinky people? I know... 'I'll consider it.' Whew! -
Come on, Woo. They didn't offer us a shower at this reward. -
...between you two. Right now. -
Oh yes, please, tell us all about your hot dogs and french fries, while we pass out from starvation-related exhaustion. Don't mind us. -
Spencer, you can stop using sticks to give me a fake mustache. That stopped being cool at least a year ago. -
Who talks? Woo talks! Who sees who talk? You see Woo talk! -
Seriously. Spencer and Kass aren't THAT smelly. -
Say goodbye to immunity, Tasha. -
Probst retreats to a safe distance, assuming the wind doesn't change direction. -
Dude, we would use deodorant if you'd let us. -
Ready, set, count. -
Extreme counting! -
Okay, the bamboo actually does look pretty hard to count. -
So close, Tasha. So close. -
Note that Kass's combo has the items in a different order from Tasha's, to thwart copying. -
Probst: I hope you're right, Woo! Woo: Me too! -
A mass of masks. -
Spencer yanks his stick (surprisingly, not an actual quote). -
Woo! Aw.
Jeff Pitman is the founder of the True Dork Times, and probably should find better things to write about than Survivor. So far he hasn't, though. He's also responsible for the Survivometer, calendar, boxscores, and contestant pages, so if you want to complain about those, do so in the comments, or on Bluesky: @truedorktimes
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