Holy crap, it's the intro! They're showing it! There's Beauty-in-a-Boat...

Wait, no individual contestant shots? Maybe it's still coming. There's Brawn...

Starting to get worried. There's Spencer and J'Tia in their helicopter, and here comes...

What? It's over? You bastards! Why does Thailand get an intro, and we don't? Do you hate America, CBS?

Spencer is plotting crazy, never-before-seen moves to escape from the bottom of a 3-1 deficit. We're guessing it's: 1. Wait for the swap; 2. Checkmate.

Oh yeah, Spencer, I was voting out J'Tia until Garrett said he had an alliance with Kass. Nobody aligns with Kass on my watch. Got that?

She was going to vote ME out? That hurts my feelings.

Well, I've got this tribe locked down now.

Wait, nobody's allowed to align with me?

Funny story, I told a lie last night, hooked Sarah with it. Yeah, yeah, details, details. But here's the punchline: I used an -R-Us alliance name.

No, no, Sarah! Don't tell anyone! This was supposed to be our secret!

I TOLD you Tony was a cop. I can totally tell when someone's lying to me.

At the... you were gonna say Final Two, right, Sarah? Please say yes.

Urgh. Way to spoil the moment, there, Tony.

I know, right? Seconds ago, someone mentions an -R-Us, and then the heavens open, and everyone is drenched. You'd think people would be more careful.

Look what he hath wrought

Oh dear. Giant, mutated forms of Brandon Hantz AND Phillip Sheppard are laying waste to the land in retribution for this season stealing their schtick. Run for your lives, etc.

Mmmm. Pruny.

Woo says 'Woo!' Yeah, we know. Doesn't really work in vidcap form.

Woo served the tribe up some Woo Tang.

Now he's entertaining his tribemates by playing a festive melody on the tiny ocarina he carved out of a crab shell. Is there anything SuperWoo! can't do?

The tarp nobody has had a chance to win yet? That you'll compete for tomorrow? Okay.

Sigh.

Now that it's stopped raining, we should talk about code names.

Oh, great. Here comes the rain again.

Thanks a lot, Tony.

Production loves rain, because it forces the young women to cover up their bikinis with layers of heavy clothing.

This water is sand-tastic.

The skills portion of this pageant is getting a bit tiresome. Can we skip ahead to the swimsuit competition?

Oh great, the three girls are complaining about being wet. That means 'LJ and Jeremiah, fix the shelter, please?' Groan.

Hello! I'm still here, too, you know.

Man, being a male model sure opens a lot of doors.

LJ's idol search gets rocky.

That shouldn't be there.

I can't untie this damn thing to see what it is, but the cameraman is motioning me to go in for the kiss. Ah, there's the hashtag. Eureka!

Split-screen, for added dampness.

Wait, every tribe's idol has the lion thing from the Aparri torches? Seems fair.

'Let's open this treemail holder thingy, Kass.' 'Okay, Spencer! This moment feels completely organic and... and... LINE!... uncoached.'

We will be mazed and confused? What? Confused? That could never happen to us.

Things are looking up at Luzon camp.

Oh, you'd BETTER practice, Spencer. HINT. HINT.

Helloooo! I'm a college student! Everything I do involves liquids and cups.

That water looks neither blue, nor Austrian, but whatevs, soundtrack.

No caption necessary

Clearly, this tribe is all three.

We are too? Yeah, sure. Why not?

The Garrett-less Brains arrive

Oh my gosh, they voted out one of their guys! We should do that, too!

Fun fact: Jeremiah is also a pro poker player. This is his tell.

Ha ha! Check out the losers!

Brawn: Mildly amused.

Yes, I would like you to show me the items you'll be hiding idol clues in, Jeff.

OMG! Pillows!

Tasha: Yes! A tarp! J'Tia: How hard would that thing be to burn if they try to vote me out?

Brawn discusses the sit-outs. Not like it matters.

I threatened to quit and pulled off a toenail, Jeff. Guess my story is done for the episode.

Survivors ready... throw. No, I mean the water, not the challenge.

Luckily, J'Tia has practiced EXTRA hard at dumping things out.

The camera spends a lot of time observing Morgan getting splashed and/or leaning over in this challenge. Obviously just to establish Beauty's insurmountable early lead, right?

You might think Cliff has an advantage here, but Woo had to throw that water extra high, you know.

Again, panning down from Morgan's face was totally necessary to properly frame the collecting bucket.

And this side-view was needed because... um, hey, look over there, J'Tia missed again.

SuperWoo!

Beauty takes their insurmountable lead to the final stage.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Brawn joins Beauty in the mazing race

All three tribes in it. Don't get confident, Beauty!

W...o...o...?

Watch out, Brice and Morgan. Brawn may be coming to eat you.

Scratch that, they're DEFINITELY coming to eat you.

Okay, they're temporarily distracted. Back away slowly, then run like hell.

Oblivious to their peril, the Brains tribe soldiers on

Non-defeat is ours! Huzzah!

Probst: Okay, okay, break up the nerd prom, guys.

Beauty... faded? How is that even possible?

Okay, maybe we'll eat Probst instead. He doesn't look that speedy.

I'm waiting, Jeff. Biding my time, laying low, waiting until we win the spices reward. Then you'd better be wearing your running shoes.

Hooray! A tarp! Now we can keep our rice dry!

Wow, poor Spencer really wasn't kidding about needed to be hydrated. RIP.

Wait, that means I'm on the bottom now.

Hey Cliff, watch me spin this pillow. Do you think I could get a tryout with the Clippers?

Fix this, LJ and Jeremiah.

Another day, another big win. Except for the not getting to eat the other tribes part.

Guys, guys. If you're doing something with Cliff, make sure you stand closer to the camera than he does.

Don't mind me everyone! I'm just rooting hrough every piece of our reward for no reason. Carry on.

They all babies.

Anyone mind if we put the hammock in the same place Galang had it?

Fall on your ass, Sarah! It's the bartending equivalent of 'Break a leg.'

Ha ha, Lindsey. That's hilarious.

Feed me, LJ! Feed me!

Our choices are Morgan or Brice. And GOOD LUCK telling those guys they don't need Morgan.

I'm just gonna throw this out there: SOMEONE could put this palm frond on the shelter. Anyone?

We really want to get rid of Brice, because we just realized he's here, which kind of freaked us all out.

To be honest, it's kind of his fault, since he's always hanging out with Morgan, who is esentially human camouflage.

I would just like to remind everyone that, even though this is my first confessional this episode, I AM still here. Please don't vote me out..

You guys, Brice is opening a coconut. This is the most exciting thing we've watched all day. No offense, LJ and Jeremiah. That was a tough maze.

Reminder: vote for Alexis. Or LJ, if you think that's easier to spell.

This is going to be so much fun. As soon as Brice and I take over this tribe, we're totally putting in a hot tub.

Oh yeah, sure. What's voting?

Welp, Jeremiah's locked down, and Morgan's getting Jefra. No one else we could possibly talk to. Time for a nap.

People here are talking crazy stuff, like splitting votes. Is that safe? Is it like splitting atoms?

I may not know how revotes work, but I do know people aren't planning to vote against me. That's good, right?

Are you SURE?

I guess me, Jefra, and LJ could do something called 'draw rocks' if we forget who to vote for on the revote. But that's okay, I'm pretty good with a sketchpad

He said 'please,' Jeremiah! That was very polite!

Gosh, now I'm in a real quandary. (We were digging rocks out of here earlier.)

The Beauties hike past their flag on the way to [the boat/truck that will take them to] Tribal

This is where we do the voting thing, right?

It's the country folk alliance. Good luck, y'all.

Talk of the town is that Morgan might have an idol clue. But I wouldn't know about town-related stuff, because I'm country folk.

He said I'm not pulling my weight around camp? Is he calling me fat?

Dot dot dot Hmmmm? It's Morse Code for V, Jeff. You know, like in Victory? Try to keep up.

The victory was short-lived

Hmmm dot - Hmmm hmmm hmmm

Dot dot dot - dot dot dot dot - dot dot - Hmmm

Time for a Dawson moment!