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  Volume II, No. 6                                        June, 2001
Current issue: Click here.


Today's fun-filled, fact-free stories, brought to you by more than one of the not-so-good folks at Deathsuite:
Court orders new rules for NBA finals
    In the wake of the Casey Martin decision, a California District Court has stepped in to even the odds in the NBA finals between the Los Angeles Lakers and Philadelphia 76ers.  Late on Monday evening, the court ordered new "Sixer Friendly" rules in place.  Among the new rule changes are: Diminutive Allen Iverson will be allowed to carry a step ladder with him on court in order to allow him to shoot over Kobe Bryant and other taller NBA players.
Click here for the full story.

 

Disney hopes 'Discover Lite' lures broader, less-educated audience
    Bowing to the concerns of the editorial and publishing staff of Discover magazine that accurate, balanced content was beginning to edge pseudoscience and irrational fear-mongering from the magazine's pages, parent company Disney has decided to spin off a subsidiary publication, Discover Lite.  The company vows the new monthly will be "completely free of science - we guarantee it."
Click here for the full story.

 

Sport utility makers unveil upscale new 'galley' class
    A new battle for supremacy has emerged among the makers of SUVs, with the brand-new, larger, even-more-expensive design of vehicle known as the "galley" class.  All three of the first entries, including the Ford Exgalley, the Pontiac Conquistador, and the Chevy Trireme, feature a double-decker design, in which the lower level is occupied by up to ten galley slaves.
Click here for the full story.


BBC chagrined at Tinky Winky's arrest.

Unemployed Teletubby arrested in adult theater
    Former children's television star Tinky Winky was arrested late last night, following a vice raid of a theater specializing in pornographic films.  A police statement described Mr. Winky as "behaving in a manner unfit for public display, during a showing of Girl-on-Girl Harbor."  Police described Tinky Winky as being "completely unclothed," lying on his back, kicking his legs, and giggling.
Click here for the full story.



 

Is there any celebrity less deserving than Liv Tyler?
    We here at the True Dork Times are not afraid to ask the tough questions.  See the answers our intrepid investigators uncovered here.  Part of our continuing series, "Making fun of celebrities!" 

Cranky Andy!
    Yes, there's no end in sight.  Cranky Andy's compendium of lists of things continues to expand faster than Colby Donaldson's post-Outback waistline. Click here.

Jittery Jeff!
    Don't you hate how when one crappy band has a hit song, six months later there's six more new bands that sound exactly the same?  So do we.  That's why we have to warn you about this Jittery Jeff fellow, who also seems to make lists of things.
Click here.

Jenna's Restaurant Reviews

We're pleased to welcome First Daughter Jenna Bush on board for a fascinating look inside Beltway and Austin cuisine.  She may mention a drink or two as well.  Bottoms up!



The Rant Page
    Your life is not complete if you have not yet checked out The Rant Page!  Now becoming increasingly stale. Doesn't anything piss you people off?

Reader mail
    Where the elite meet to put TDT's feet to the proverbial fire.  Visit our newest collection of reader ire.  Flame away!
The True Dork Times
Profiles in Heroism Award

This is a world ripe for heroes, and we think we've found one.  He has single-handedly (although it involves multiple hands) helped society by surreptitiously impeding the steamroller-like progress of industry and government. The first True Dork Times Profiles in Heroism Award winner is...
Click here for the full story.

Animal of the month:

With fur-like feathers, vestigial wings, and an active, go-go nightlife that consists mostly of rooting around in the dirt for tasty, wriggling grubs, the Kiwi is our pick to click for the month of June, 2001.

Once again, we invite your contributions to Things Which Don't Suck.  This would therefore not include things like the DMV, lines at Disneyland, or Fred Durst, all of which really do suck. 

Link
Here's our True Dork Times-endorsed link:

Kagearm!  Loads of vaguely hoof-and-mouth- inspired German mayhem.  Fun for the whole brownie-scarfing family! (Yes, we stole this link from memepool).

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