Jenna's Restaurant Reviews

Editor's note:  Normally, when we receive unsolicited manuscripts, we do what most publications do - make fun of the spelling, question the parentage of the author, and wonder what kind of stuff the writer was smoking/ drinking/ mainlining when the piece was written.  But this was different.  One look at the byline told us it was special, and it answered most of the usual questions.  We thought we should just sit on it, but Ms. Bush was very persistent.  So here it is, her authorial debut.  We hope you enjoy this almost as much as we do.

Rating	What I thought
Chuy's, Austin, TX	For all y'all not in the know, Chuy's is located about 2 miles from Campus and it is 'the place' for all of us Kappa Kappa Gamma's and those cuties over at Alpha Omega.  One time those geeks from Sigma Nu tried to invade our turf but I sent Secret Service to send them a message, and they have'nt tried to return yet.  Yeaaah!       The sign outside Chuy's claim's that Chuy's has the best burritos in Texas. I haven't had a chance to buy a burrito there yet, but if they are anything like the rest of the food they serve, they must be fantastic.  I especially like the Corona, the Dos Equis and the Bohemia.  All very good.      While the burritos might be tasty, the best thing about Chuy's must be the Margarita Bar. Talk about variety. I especially like the Blue Hawaii, which is made with some blue liquid called Curacao. I have no idea what it is but it sure makes your puke look odd! When we went in March all of the Alpha Omega boys kept buying me one after another all night.  They are soooooo cute. After that we all got to go to court together. Judge's suck! Which leads me to my next point about Chuy's.       Having someone else buy your dinner at Chuys is defintely the way to go. Those god damn townies card.  And they check too if you use some one else's id.  Bastards.  You go in for a meal, and you get 8 hours of community service!  Daddy's gonna be so pissed.
Geoffrey's on the Mall, Washington D.C.	Geoffrey's is only a few miles from the White House and it is my absolute fav place to eat in all of Washington.  Dick and I go there all time when Daddy is taking his mid day nap.  Daddy doesn't like to go there because all he eats is like fruit and stuff and Geoffrey's doesn't serve any of that junk.     Dick alway's orders a few Dewar's on the Rocks when we go for lunch.  Talk about booooring.  This place has the best menu that has more than 70 brands of Whiskey and Scotch from all over the world. They prepare a fantastic Glenfiddich and Water and the Carnoustie on the Rocks is absolutely to die for.  Mmmmm mmmm goood eats! Last week, Mom and I went for a girls night out and she let me order only desserts. Yeah!      The Irish Coffee is only so-so but the Napoleon Brandy is beyond compare.  Mom got mad at me when I spilled my Brandy on the table.  She just doesn't know how to have a good time.  She said she was being naughty by having the cheesecake for dessert.  Hah!  Last week me and the other Kappas invited the whole UT Lacrosse team over for a barbecue.  They are sooo cute!  We ate sooooo much.  Almost two whole kegs! Anyway we all ended up naked in the pool.  Now that was naughty! Yeeeeah!
White House Kitchen, Washington D.C.	First off, I have to say the White House Kitchen is wayyy over rated.  When Daddy came in he told them that me and my sister Barbara both liked Peanut and Jelly sandwiches.  Whatever.  Sooooo lame.  Now they put out those damn things like that's all we eat.  Dadddy eats like three of them in the morning and then takes a nap before his run. He is sooo old sometimes.      The White House, of course is famous for being able to prepare any meal at any hour, but they sure are slipping.  Last month, when I was visiting I called up for Screaming Orgasm at around 3:00 am and they had no idea what I was talking about. I had to settle for a bottle of Jim Beam and bucket of ice, aka "The Lyndon Johnson Special". That was good, and I recommend it for all first time visitors.     But forget about getting anything on your own. It's like they don't even relize that this is my house. And it's especially hard with that bitch Barbara around telling Daddy whatever I eat and also every time I puke.  She is such a prude, I wish she would just back to Yale.  You know she hasn't even gone to second base with a guy yet.  Helllllllooooo? Sometimes she is just so High School.