By Seymour Starrs
True Dork Times Entertainment Editor

LONDON (TDT).  Former children's television star Tinky Winky was arrested late last night, following a vice raid of a theater specializing in pornographic films.  A police statement described Mr. Winky as "behaving in a manner unfit for public display, during a showing of Girl-on-Girl Harbor."

Police described Tinky Winky as being "completely unclothed," lying on his back, kicking his legs, and giggling profusely.  The theater owner, visibly upset, also claimed Mr. Winky was somehow stealing the video from the film.  "It was showing on his belly there, and that triangle thing on his head was glowing."  Several patrons complained that Mr. Winky yelled "Again! Again!" after all the orgasm scenes.

The BBC, which recently ceased production of Tinky Winky's program, Teletubbies, released an official statement expressing its regret and dismay that the children's television star had been linked to such "adult activities."  Company officials also attempted to suppress the publication of mug shots of the actor, which revealed him to be heavily pierced, tattooed, and sporting a goatee and long, unkempt hair.  The BBC explained that it thought children might be disturbed by the sight of the actor "out of character."

An attorney for Mr. Winky, however, denied that his client had broken any laws, noting specifically that "Tinky Winky never wore clothes on his show, either, unless you count that purse thing.  He was simply engaging in normal, adult behaviour."

The arrest caps a steady decline in Tinky Winky's public appearances, which has been gleefully publicized in the British press in recent months.  Tabloid headlines have trumpeted his dalliances with excessive drinking and an allegedly rapacious appetite for other, increasingly dangerous drugs.  Privately, friends have speculated that Tinky Winky has suffered from a lack of roles, and the apparent disinterest of the entertainment industry.

"Nobody's called him," said close friend Orinoco Womble, himself a star of a seventies British children's series. "I think it's the gay thing, nobody wants to even touch him," Womble speculated, referring to the lasting controversy over charges from American fundamentalist hothead Rev. Donald Wildmon that Winky's purse, purple color, and triangular appendage were all signs of homosexuality.  "Maybe the porn thing will settle that now," Womble hoped aloud.

Indeed, the career misfortune of Tinky Winky is especially glaring in light of the spectacular post-series success of his co-stars.  Dipsy (the green one) has re-christened himself "Double Dipp," and is tearing up the pop charts with a hardcore gangsta rap album titled Smokin' the Green. His multiplatinum single, "Guns 'N' Hos," a duet with Eminem, has been the most-requested video on MTV's "Total Request Live" for six straight weeks.  His massive $500 million contract to record the soundtracks for all three films in the Lord of the Rings trilogy established a new music-industry record.

Laa Laa (the yellow one) recently confirmed months of British tabloid rumors that, yes, she was indeed pregnant, and that the father was Manchester United soccer star David Beckham.  This has caused quite a stir, since Beckham is currently wed to Victoria Adams, better known as "Posh Spice," but Laa Laa has maintained that Beckham plans to leave his wife to raise the new family at Laa Laa's sprawling estate in the Welsh countryside.  Beckham has denied these stories.

Finally, little Po (the red one) has embarked on a remarkably successful career in extreme sports.  Po's freestyle inline vert victory at the trials for this year's X-games was the biggest draw of the event.  Competing in every event for the inline skating, motocross, and the new scooter divisions, Po established stunning new female records in virtually every competition.  Sony has signed Po to an exclusive video gaming contract, and has already pre-sold 10 million copies of its hotly-anticipated Po vs. Tony Hawk:Showdown title for PlayStation 2, expected late this summer.

The only public statement regarding Tinky Winky's arrest from a former Teletubbies cast or crew member came from the SunBaby, who gave a lengthy series of giggles, squeals and howls, culminating in a sound observers concurred closely resembled "sad," or possibly, "sand."