Welcome to “Is it 50 yet,” err, I mean the Season 49 version of Screaming at the Screen, the column in which I jot down my (mostly) spontaneous thoughts as I watch each episode of Survivor. I’m unashamedly obsessed with Survivor, and have been known to transcribe each episode to make sure I get player quotes right when I blast them for making the “wrong” move. I mean really, they only played this game five months ago, why won’t they listen to me?

Even though there have been a number of spoilers circulating, I’m gonna do my best not to give away any information I’ve heard about Season 50 or the two players from this season who’ll be part of that cast. I’ve even heard that Stephenie LaGrossa has leaked the winner of this season. This will be the last time I make any reference to this.

I know a lot of people are looking past this season in anticipation of the all-returning player Survivor 50. But as I mentioned in my 49 preview column, I think a lot of this season’s players will be aggressive and entertaining, as a lot of them made the cast as alternates from previous seasons. Two of them (Jason and MC) were added to the cast just 12 hours before the season began because two others broke the rules by talking to others. Alternates tend to seize the moment and play with more urgency since they’ve already felt the disappointment of being turned away. Let’s see what they have to offer.

And away we go...

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Jawan gets the first confessional (at least I think that’s Jawan). I haven’t locked in the sound of everyone’s voices yet. Many fans think getting the first confessional is significant. I’m not one of them. Alex says he like to kiss butt. That works if they’re not aware you’re doing it. If they do know, you’ll have no idea how much respect you’re losing.

Savannah says, “This is gonna be the easiest million I’ll ever make.” That’s either prophetic or pathetic. Rizo (aka “Rizgod”) says he wants to be one the best Survivor players ever. The last one to open with that kind of statement was Gabe in S47. He didn’t make it.

Jeremiah’s high pitched cackle laugh is already driving me nuts.

Wow, Savannah is tiny. She’s trying to be the next diminutive New Era Survivor winner, joining Erika, Maryanne, Dee, Kenzie and Rachel.

Sage “I peed 3 times off the back of the boat today.” Ok, she cracks me up. Her blunt honesty comes naturally and is a good reason to keep her around. People might not suspect she’s a good liar since she just blurts out what she thinks. Then again, why would you want that as an alliance partner? Bhanu did the same thing in S46, and he was a trainwreck.

Jake says his father is going blind. That’s touching, but you just gave everyone a reason to make sure you don’t reach the finals. Who wouldn’t vote for that story?

Yeah, Survivor Producers aren’t ramping up for S50. They wouldn’t shove a montage of all the returning players into this season. And of course, Probst made sure to include Boston Rob and Parvati, who aren’t playing in S50.

We’ve seen this challenge before (or at least most of it) in the New Era already. The only change I see is hitting the bell with a mallet.

As easily predicted, Jake has been labeled the Challenge beast immediately, but MC is first out of the jungle.

I’m surprised Annie put herself in the running portion. I know she’s a triathlete, but those crates are always very heavy. She might have been better suited for the swimming part. Jake was the first one back with a crate, but it looks like he waited a bit before going back to help Annie with hers.

Steven is first into the water. I’m still wondering how his hearing aids affect him. If he takes them out, can he hear his partner? Are those hearing aids waterproof? I gotta say I’m impressed at how well Shannon and Savannah pulled their boat back.

Nate & Sage take the puzzle spotlight roles as do Jason & Kristina, and Sophi B. & Nicole.

Jason displays his puzzle skills, then MC takes the final spotlight role and wins it for Hina. Hooray for the alternates! I wonder who was gonna get the mallet for the other two tribes?

Rizo foolishly volunteers for the 1-on-1 challenge for supplies. Alex reluctantly accepts his tribe’s nomination. Will one or both of them find themselves outside a majority alliance on day 1? I noticed Savannah and Sophi B. were quick to take themselves out of the running. That was smart of both of them.

Jake: “When Alex volunteered, I knew he was my guy.” Wow I guessed right. I thought Jake and Alex would be natural partners. This marks the 7th time in 40 seasons I got something right! Hooray for me!

I understand Kristina’s many fears, but she shouldn’t share them so openly. She’s advertising a reason to cut her loose early.

Wait, Jake is from Edmonton, but he’s a Toronto Maple Leafs fan? Isn’t that like being from Boston but being a Yankees fan?

Sophi B. works on bonding with everyone immediately, and it looks like she’s doing a good job. She’s not overdoing it like Kaleb did at the S45 merge. “He’s (Jake) the mother of all meat shields. He’s a filet mignon at a Michelin Star steakhouse.”

Film Producer Nate says he was a Production Asst. That’s not a bad cover story. He said he wasn’t gonna advertise his real job because he thought he’d be recognized.

Sage “I’m good. I just had to burp.” I love her already.

Shannon says she’s a mix of Stevie Nicks and Donnie Wahlberg. Say what???? The only thing they have in common is they both sing. Does she see herself as a twirling witch who sings about “The Right Stuff?”

Note to Rizo and Alex: Don’t break the bottle.

I like that this challenge combines physical strength and puzzle skills. Anyone who did this would have a decent chance.

Alex finishes his puzzle first. Rizo should just look at Alex’s puzzle and hope his ship’s wheel is in the same spot. And that’s exactly what he does! Wow, I’m 2-for-2 this episode.

Come on Alex! You see Rizo is getting tips from your puzzle. Memorize where your “X” is and knock out your pieces!

Ok, Rizo is good at confessionals. He’s cracking me up.

This loss is 100% on you Alex. How many times have we seen people look at somebody else’s puzzle on Survivor? Once you know which log the “X” was by, destroy your puzzle ... especially after you catch Rizo looking at yours once!

I thought Shannon would be the biggest oddball this season, but it might be Sage.

Nate in confessional: “Sage has no filter. She says exactly what’s on her mind, and it’s usually fun and entertaining. But we’re in a game that requires secrecy. I’m not sure that’s a quality that’s good for this particular game.” My thoughts exactly, Nate.

Rizo’s “American dream” story is great. It would have been greater if he hadn’t told it on day 1. On day 1, he just created a reason to keep him out of the finals. He just revealed his potential game-winning story.

Alex comes back empty-handed, but I’m thinking ‘Why haven’t we heard Annie speak yet? I thought she’d be the odd one out.

Jake, Alex and Sophi B. huddle immediately. Alex tells them he’s gonna miss the birth of his son. Just like Rizo, he’s sharing this info way too early.

Matt makes the first fire for his tribe. Like he says, that’s instant value to the tribe, but if he keeps it up all game, everyone will make a priority of booting “the fire guy” before the Final 4 fire challenge.

Jake hides Nicole’s shoe? That’s very Russell Hantzy of him. His idol Rupert would be disappointed.

Hey Annie gets to speak in hour 2!

Jeremiah: “Annie come with us.” Annie: “I’ll catch up later.” BAD move, Annie. They’re inviting you to bond and possibly join an alliance. By saying no, they’re gonna think you’re Idol hunting.

And that’s exactly what they think.

Political analyst Alex spins an “I bond with my mentors” story to Annie that she buys completely. Good move, dude.

Alex in confessional: “I’m in a good spot.” Danger dude, that’s a Survivor death phrase. The Survivor Gods are certain to turn on you now.

Shannon leads her tribe in breathing exercises. I’m gonna call her “Flower child.” Savannah isn’t into it. Is everyone else just playing along, or are they actually into it?

Shannon thinks she’s vibing with Savannah and Jawan, but I don’t think they feel the same way. Shannon is happy with their three but doesn’t seem to realize she needs four for a majority. Does she think the universe will bring someone to her?

Jawan: “Nate seems like he’s calm, cool and collective.” Rodney from S30: Worlds Apart couldn’t get that quote right either, and he tried several (at least 7) times. Matt and Steven make a connection right off the bat. I think I’m 3-for-3. Steven sees his favorite player Rupert in Matt, and Matt sees his favorite player Christian in Steven.

Sophi B. being worried about Jake and Alex’s relationship reminds me of how Gabby was alarmed in S37: David vs Goliath when her partner Christian bonded with Alpha Males Dan and John after a swap. She eventually turned on Christian.

Alex and Jake holding hands is endearing, but really bad game play. Can you say “power couple?”

Jeremiah did a good job approaching Jake. He saw an alliance forming around him and earned a spot in it with them.

And Sophi was smart to pitch a #1s partnership with Jeremiah. She already knows it’ll be tough to come between Jake and Alex. This gives her a fighting chance should it come down to 2 vs 2.

Nate wants to work with Savannah, Shannon and Rizo. So much for my streak. I thought Nate and Jawan would be automatic partners. Like Meat Loaf once sang, “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad.”

This episode is flying by. It’s 9:20 and I haven’t even missed the Immunity Challenge yet. This is a good thing. I love learning a lot about the players early on.

Another challenge where everyone has to crawl through mud? Now we won’t know who anybody is for half the challenge.

The Hina tribe walks in chanting in unison. The younger persons tribe (La Flor) did that in S21: Nicaragua. They pissed off the older persons tribe (Espada), but they also produced the winner, Fabio.

Annie did pretty well through the mud. She was the 4th one out in her heat. She beat Rizo and Sage.

Jawan crawled through the mud with his glasses on. I remember in S46, Liz got to put her glasses outside the mud pit and pick them up after she went through. Did Jawan not think of that?

Nate is very cool under pressure directing his partners in the middle. Nicole isn’t.

Hina takes 1st place and Uli finishes 2nd. Savannah thought she was on the “disaster” tribe. So far, she’s wrong.

Annie and Nicole haven’t connected into an alliance (that we’ve seen) yet, but I think Annie has proven herself to be more valuable so far. Annie said in pregame she didn’t really want to work with Jake (one of the few who didn’t). Will that pregame hesitation cost her now?

Alex lies to Nicole, and Nicole knows everyone is lying to her because they won’t make eye contact. She says she’s gonna play her Shot in the Dark, but I’m wondering why she’s not looking for an Idol.

I could have lived without seeing Nicole vomiting. Maybe hour and a half episodes ARE better.

Jake makes a bonehead decision by telling Annie she’s the decoy vote. NOBODY wants to be the decoy vote. So, Annie pitches Sophi B. on booting an Alpha Male soon, and Sophi B. immediately sells her out. I like the way Sophi B. played this. She earned the most trust from the three guys, and both Annie and Nicole aren’t suspicious of her. Sophi B. is the safest person on this tribe so far.

I love Nicole’s take on everybody’s role in the tribe. She’s very observant, but she was probably too slow in showing it to others.

Jeremiah screws up and publicly admits it’s down to two people, which means he has alienated whoever comes back with them because she’ll know she’s #5. Guess who is going Idol hunting tonight? If I’m in an alliance with Jeremiah, he just told me he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. That makes him a liability.

Bye, Nicole. I thought her sense of humor would endear herself to the tribe and get her into an alliance. Maybe she was overwhelmed and withdrew into a shell. She’s a money laundering investigator, and I thought she’d have a better BS meter. I also thought Jeremiah or Annie would leave first from this tribe. Oh well. Two out of four ain’t bad.

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Recap

I LOVED this episode. I think I learned a lot about every player this season except for Nicole and Sophie S. All she said this episode was “We need a pot,” and “Morale at Hina is very high.” This probably means she’s sticking around for a while, but couldn’t we have gotten a little more personal info on her?

Sophi B. really impressed me tonight. She made a connection with everyone on her tribe and earned trust from them all. Everyone else on Kele had somebody suspicious of them. I was totally wrong about Jeremiah. I thought he’d be an annoying mess, but he’s done a good job of keeping everyone loose, a little like Cody from S43.

On Hina, I like what I saw from alternates Jason and MC, even though they probably shouldn’t have taken those early spotlight roles.

And on Uli, Nate and Savannah look like strong, very observant players.

I think this is a very fun cast. We’ve already gotten a ton of fun confessionals from Rizo, Sophi B., Sage, Nate and Jawan. That’s a great sign for me.

What are your thoughts? Who got off to a good start? Who stepped on their shoelaces already? Are you sick of Jeremiah’s laugh yet? Are you surprised the tribe with the 2 strongest members lost the first Immunity Challenge? Let me know in the comments.