Episode 13: Just be yourself

Published: May 27, 2023

Ryan goes through his reactions to the Survivor 44 finale, from joy for Yam Yam's victory to dismay at Carolyn's zero jury votes, to everything in between. Plus an announcement of an ending, for now.

Episode 12: All your craziness is not craziness anymore

Published: May 21, 2023

The Survivor 44 finale is now just days away, and the final three is guaranteed to have at least one Tika. Ryan breaks down the final five's chances of winning, and ponders the desolate wasteland of a future Survivor season that does not have Carolyn in it.

Episode 11: One with the lobster

Published: May 12, 2023

Ryan's wish for an (almost) all-Carolyn episode is FINALLY granted (*bling*, thanks Jaime) in Episode 11, and as you might guess, he is extremely pleased with the results. Two chances left to make this a season-ending streak.

Episode 10: The era of alliances is over

Published: May 5, 2023

Ryan is happy that Episode 10 of Survivor 44 featured an actual reward and time spent with the season's moms, sad about the boot, and decidedly lukewarm on the samey-ness of the challenges, especially the show's inability to create a different puzzle.

Episode 9: Enjoy your rice, you bitches

Published: April 28, 2023

Ryan recounts the happenings of Episode 9 of Survivor 44, which somehow found time for an off day, only part of which was taken up by an idol hunt. Despite some host-related shenanigans, Ryan is happy to report that the 3-3-3 split by original tribes paid off relatively interestingly.

Episode 8: Everything yesterday means nothing today

Published: April 21, 2023

Ryan heralds the return of a "normal episode" with Episode 8 of Survivor 44, one in which everyone on the merge tribe voted and all but one was vulnerable to be voted against. Albeit also an episode that still shortchanged its cast by handing over half its runtime to a single challenge.

Episode 7: Set up like a chump

Published: April 14, 2023

Ryan tees off on Episode 7 of Survivor 44's bizarre inability to meet even the absolute minimal expectations of a post-merge Survivor episode: actually being merged, and having jurors vote each other out. Is this even Survivor any more?

Episode 6: No meal, no buff, no hope

Published: April 7, 2023

Ryan works his way through Episode 6 of Survivor 44, another new era merge episode that wasn't as fun or interesting as an actual merge, a boot that wasn't especially surprising, but also one that didn't spell the end of Carolyn or Yam Yam, so at least there's that.

Episode 5: What's up with the bitch face?

Published: March 31, 2023

Ryan praises an episode that, despite lacking a Tribal Council, managed to do what the previous week didn't: focus on the contestants. Episode 5 of Survivor 44 delivered tension, emotion, and player insights by highlighting its (soon to be defunct) three-person Tika tribe.

Episode 4: Put me out of my misery

Published: March 24, 2023

After the rushed, confusing fourth episode of Survivor 44, Ryan tries to make sense of an alliance that seemingly went from besties to bitter rivals in the space of a day, a swap that tried to out-screw-over China's, and a massive deluge of new idols that defies explanation.

Episode 3: What is tribe strength?

Published: March 17, 2023

Ryan has some complaints about Episode 3 of Survivor 44, mainly its focus on the "heady" mix of challenge physicality and idol hiding, idol finding, and more idol finding (mostly fake). It's an episode that mostly ignored Carolyn, but did have Kane doing fantasy swordplay, but also continued the trend of original tribes voting out women first.

Episode 2: She's like a mix of Goofy and Cher

Published: March 10, 2023

A regular-length Episode 2 of Survivor 44 somehow delivered even more Carolyn content (Carolyntent?) and Ryan wouldn't have it any other way, unless it could be more Yam Yam and Carolyn (and maybe Claire?) instead of other, less exciting tribes finding idols or doing challenges.

Episode 1: I peed my pants

Published: March 3, 2023

Ryan returns to recap the many events of the two-hour premiere: The opening uncut confessional, the rock-groping, the self-pantsing, the overactive tongue movement, the desperately wanting to get something but you can't. He also briefly notes the activities of the players who weren't Carolyn, as one does.

Pre-season: Survivor 44: Hot or not?

Published: February 6, 2023

As Valentine's Day approaches, Ryan's heart turns to the new Survivor 44 cast, as he continues his everlasting quest to find new characters to stan (and also predict how they'll do on the actual show). Who will ignite the Tinder of his soul, and who will end up undateable?