AMERICA STRIKES BACK
Economy rebounds as flag-making industry soars
    Major economic indicators point to spectacular economic growth in the last month, as consumers and stock market investors alike have banded together to build a booming "New New Economy" in the United States, based solely on the manufacture and purchase of American flags, and, to a lesser extent, red-white-and-blue ribbons.  Wall Street analysts agree, "There's no way this could ever get old the way the tech sector did."
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AMERICA STRIKES BACK
Bush recruiting allies for 'a new war' on English language
    Buoyed by stratospheric approval ratings and a general patriotic fervor leading American citizens to favor any and all military action, U.S. President George W. Bush told a worldwide audience yesterday that, due to continued attacks on his verbiage, he would devote all of America's intelligence and military powers to defeating the tyrannical forces of the self-appointed guardians of the English language.  "These people must be stopped," he said, haltingly. "The grammar police and the syntax service have hounded me from day one. But they misunderestimated their opponent."
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Indiana man sues, claims Nobel snub
    Terry Storti, a Terre Haute, Indiana, resident, who works as a greeter at one of Terre Haute's three Wal-Mart stores, claims that the Nobel Prize committee snubbed him by not including him in the award for the Nobel Prize in Physics. Storti claims that he also discovered a Bose-Einstein condensate, a form of matter neither solid, liquid, nor gas, years ago, after visiting a Taco Bell in Des Plaines, IN, on his way home.
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Unfazed by setbacks, biotech firm continues quest to clone Bigfoot
    They told their investors they could clone Bigfoot, but so far, all Eureka, California-based biotech firm Cryptozoo has produced is two goats and a bear.  Still, company founder and CEO Donald Key-Hotay remains committed to the firm's corporate vision.  "I'm not sure how our authentic Bigfoot hair samples got contaminated like this, but we're not quitting now," Key-Hotay vows.
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How to start your own 
nu metal band
    Our handy, step-by-step guide tells you all the two or three things you need to know.  You too can have two seconds of hard rock fame!  Click here to experience the power chords and the glory.

Cranky Andy!
    He's back!  Cranky Andy has returned from his mysterious sabbatical to grace you with more lists.  Don't all click at once.

Surviwhore!
    America's second-favorite pastime, making fun of instant demi-celebrities, continues to enthrall the country. Click here to see the latest goings on.

More Survivor crap...
    That's right, one page wasn't enough.  Despite our better judgement, we have some weak info on Survivor: Africa at the official True Dork Times Survivometer 3, here.
    If that doesn't whet your whistle, check out our largely yawn-inducing collection of Survivor-related humor here.

The Rant Page
    There are new rants from Mark Hansen and Andy Braniff in the The Rant Page! 

Coming very soon:
Where's Osama?
    We're working on an educational game that will teach everyone how to find terrorist masterminds amidst a field of normal-looking citizens. Hours of fun! ETA: November 15th.

Link
   The web is a scary, scary place. We'd like you to think of us as your training wheels.  This month's True Dork Times-endorsed link:
    Barmeister.com's online collection of drinking games.  This is why college dorms now have internet access.  Of course, we're only *cough* endorsing virtual drinking here *cough*.  See some excellent warnings about the dangers of alcohol here.