By Max Histeria
True Dork Times Sensationalism Editor
LOS
ANGELES (AGB) The national anthrax scare hit the entertainment community
today as members of the Los Angeles Health Department were called to the
home of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Officials were responding
to a 911 call placed by a member of Ms. Houston's household staff after
discovering large amounts of a white powder in and around the Houston home.
While lab tests to conclusively demonstrate that the substance found was
indeed anthrax, being a respectable news organization, we're virtually
certain it must be.
Neither Houston nor Brown were home at the time of the discovery of the mysterious powder. Luckily Ms. Houston was already in her private room in Cedars-Sinai Hospital, undergoing tests for an unrelated substance toxicity concern, and so was able to undergo immediate testing for anthrax infection. Mr. Brown was taken to her side immediately following a parole hearing he was attending at the L.A. County courthouse. Neither were available for comment, although James Brobeck Esq., attorney for the Browns, stated that neither one of the couple had any idea of the substance in their house. "They don't know how it got there," Brobeck explained, "and even if they did, it wasn't their stash, and even if it was, they didn't use it, and even if they did use it, there was no intent to distribute."
"They are both lucky to have escaped" stated L.A. County Health Official Trong Nguyen. "There was so many piles of this powder all through their house, it looked like the Alps! One of our deputies accidently inhaled a whole pile of the substance while examining a small mirror for evidence." Sources say the deputy was immediately detained for further testing and observation. Officials declined to comment on how the possible anthrax got into the Houston house or why anyone would want to target Ms. Houston or Mr. Brown.
"We are looking into all posibilities," stated Nguyen. "We have received reports of several similar incidences involving a white powdery substance in many Malibu residences, as well as in and around the areas occupied by Charlie Sheen, Christian Slater and Robert Downey Jr."
While no further reports of possible anthrax have been reported to date, Health officials have started a door-to-door search, starting in Bel-Air and ending in Malibu. "We take protecting the Hollywood elite setiously." Nguyen concluded. "If it means an industry-wide quarantine to protect our stars from anthrax, then so be it."
Meanwhile, numerous celebrities were apoplectic with fear once news leaked out about the find. Several, such as talk-show host Rosie O'Donell, voiced overwhelming concern at their inability to prevent future attacks. "Isn't there a ribbon we can wear to make people aware of this problem?" asked O'Donell, we think rhetorically, "I mean, what color is an anthrax?"
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