Today's fun-filled, fact-free stories, brought to you by more than one of the not-so-good folks at Deathsuite:

NEWS

• Disneyland employee dies in logic vortex in California Adventure Land
• Our hard-hitting investigative report: Who's dumber - W or PETA?
• Yankees hurler Clemens holds out for longer nickname
• The U.S. Navy and Greenpeace invite you to: Be a submarine pilot of one!

• Frankly, we don't understand why our Surviv-o-meter has not generated more of a media frenzy.  Clearly, we know who's doomed, and you don't.
• Sage advice for the confused from our brilliant advice columnist, Dr. Knowitall!

• The Rant Page!  Now with formerly new-ish content!
• Now we know what Clinton was doing during the campaign.

• Things Which Don't Suck (shiny, happy version)
• Things Which Don't Suck (disturbed version)