By Ron D. Tripper
True Dork Baseball Editor

SARASOTA, Fla. (TDT)  Following the lead of disgruntled White Sox designated hitter Frank Thomas, who took affront at being paid a paltry $9.9 million a year, ace New York Yankees pitcher has announced he will not throw another pitch until sportswriters and teammates come up with a more verbose nickname for him.

"I'm just called 'Rocket'," Clemens moaned. "You have guys like Frank Thomas, who's 'Big Hurt,' or Randy Johnson, 'Big Unit,' that 'Big Cat' fella [Texas Rangers first baseman-DH Andres Galarraga].  As one of the best pitchers in baseball, I should at least have a two-word nickname, maybe even a three- or four-word one.  I feel I've been completely disrespected, and I can't continue to work under these conditions.  I'm insulted."

Yankees owner George Steinbrenner seemed mystified by Clemens' demands, pointing out that most of the "Rocket's" teammates didn't even have nicknames.  "Let's see, there's El Duque [fellow starter Orlando Hernandez], but that's really only one word when you take away the 'el'.  I guess some people call Henry Rodriguez 'Oh Henry,' but that's usually after he drops a routine fly ball to left."

Skipper Joe Torre sought to dispel any concerns that Clemens' demands were creating clubhouse rancor.  "This is an internal matter, and we'll deal with it internally,"  droned a tape loop on Torre's desk, to which reporters were referred when questions about Clemens or other players were asked.  Torre did predict that the matter would be settled before the start of the regular season.

Clemens' teammates appeared split on his actions, although some expressed at least passing support.  "He does have a point," fellow pitcher Andy Pettitte said.  "I mean, even Fred McGriff is called the 'Crime Dog.'  Fred McGriff!  When was the last time he did anything?"

When asked what sort of nickname Clemens was seeking, the stocky Texan was vague.  "Something like 'Rocket,' but with more words.  Maybe 'Big Rocket,' or even better would be 'Big Fast Rocket.'  Yeah, that might do."

Several Yankee followers calling in to New York sports radio station WFAN suggested "Big Ass Rocket" might be more appropriate.  "He doesn't seem to be missing many meals," noted George Pagliazzi of Brooklyn.