All over the internet and especially on this here site, people have been complaining about this season. I’ve heard it. You’ve heard it. I want to go one step further though:

 

This is the worst season of Survivor.

 

Look, I know what you’re thinking: Yeah, this season sucks but calling it the worst is hyperbole. No, it’s not hyperbole. This season is god awful and probably the first time I just don’t care. At all.

 

Usually this column is all about theory, but we’re going to take a time-out so I can complain a bit.

 

In a post from over the weekend, fellow TDT writer Dan Otsuki sadly took time out of his spring break to talk about the season. He made a point that I think is being overlooked, but one I wholeheartedly agree with: Redemption Island is far better than the Edge of Extinction.

 

First, as noted by many, this Edge thing only serves to take time out of the actual episode, time that we could use to get to know any countless castaway we know nothing about. Also, at least RI featured challenges and there was some stakes for each episode. This just Reem complaining about people. And, like Ryan, I’m at the point where I hope Reem just wins this entire shitshow.

 

 

Second, it’s profoundly stupid for the players in the actual game not to know about Extinction. It’s unfair. More importantly, it’s profoundly moronic not to at least tell the audience the whole point of it. Why are we supposed to care? I don’t know and, therefore, I don’t give a crap.

 

Let me say this is not a screed against seasons with returnees. HvH, Game Changers and Second Chance are some of my favorite seasons. And, of course, all the FvF seasons and even the Blood v Water one worked well, to me. I just absolutely hate these seasons with a couple returnees.

 

But it’s more than that, because, Third: When they have only a couple returnees on a season, that season is dominated by those folks’ personalities. You simply can’t have non-amazing returnees. And I’m sorry: These four are not that. OK, so David is only playing for a second time, so that’s OK, but I wish it was in a full returnee season. The other three? Can anybody really say they couldn’t wait for one to play for a third time? No. Each is basically playing the exact same game they’ve played the other times. Heck, I at least liked Redemption Island because Boston Rob should have won All-Stars and he’s at least good TV (and, of course, it was fun to watch Russell lose badly).

 

Fourth, I said this last week, but I can’t stand Wendy. Look, we barely know any newcomer not named Wardog, Wendy or Rick. Well, Rick was playing to win and he’s gone. Wardog has been surprisingly OK, even though, as noted by Ryan, he’s the new Debbie. But, man, Wendy is my least-favorite kind of player: Someone who literally does not want to win, but desperately wants TV time … and Probst loves those folks. So we get tons of footage of someone playing horribly because they’re good TV. Or at least good TV to producers. Horrible TV to me.

 

We know nothing about almost anyone else in this game. We don’t know their strategies. Heck, even the returnees. We keep hearing Kelley is a threat (and I’m sure she is), but why David is focused on her we have no idea based on the edit. None. Nothing makes sense.

 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t watch Survivor for funny moments. It’s great we get folks like Reem, but that works when they’re the sideshow, the other thing happening as the game unfolds. There is no game this season. All I see is about a bunch of nameless folks probably playing Survivor, but producers focusing on boring confessionals by returnees and a woman who just wants Sia to give her money.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

I could go on and on. But, instead, I’ll think about Fiji or One World or Thailand or Nicaragua and long for the good ol’ days.

 

That’s it. Sorry. On another note, here are some scattered thoughts on the non-extinction players, most of whom I know nothing about:

 

Manu

 

• Victoria: As I’ve know gone on too long about, we don’t know much about anyone. So my real question for Victoria is why the beanie? Seriously. You’re on an island. Plus, she’s from the Bronx. Doesn’t it hurt your credibility to be on a tropical island dressed as a stereotypical Brooklyn transplant in summer?

 

• Aubry: If Aubry ever votes to keep Wendy, I lose all respect for her game.

 

• Wendy: Every single week, she annoys me more. Look, I’m sure she’s a nice human off the island and it’s not her fault producers are giving her so much air time. But it is her fault that she came on a show looking for airtime (or the Sia money) with absolutely no inclination to win. I really, really hope Sia does not give her any money.

 

• Eric: My Winner Pick™ is someone we almost know, but not really. If previews are to be believed, we might start understanding Eric’s game a bit more soon.

 

• Gavin: Here’s what I know about Gavin: He’s got a very colorful tattoo and him and Ryan Kaiser have a whole lot in common.

 

Kama

 

• Joe: If you’ve seen Joe play once, you’ve seem him play twice. Or three times. What does that mean? This is the same Joe. He’s carrying his tribes to victory after victory and at some point he’ll be voted off. Only this time, he’ll earn his way back into the game only to be voted off again.

 

• Ron: You know, at the beginning of the season I had some fun with Ron’s CBS biography. For multiple weeks. Now, I’m sitting down for each episode praying that Ron surprises me by making a unique moment. Praying. Heck, his move with Joe this week was fun. Why can’t we see more?

 

• Julia: Poor, poor, Julia. We have no idea who you are. You’re on my fantasy team and I’m sure you’re playing a decent game, but you know Survivor. You’re simply not going to get a lot of airtime when Kelley, Aubry and Wendy are taking up the allotted time for women.

 

• Aurora: You want to know what I know about Aurora? There’s a pretty sweet all-you-can-eat sushi joint there. Oh, wait, I’m talking about Aurora, Colorado. Aurora the castaway likes Joe.

 

• Julie: I’m still waiting on the toys. Julie, if you’re reading this, send me some toys so I know the answer to the most pressing question in Edge of Extinction.

 

Lesu

 

• David: I don’t think any returnee wins this season, but I thought David had the best chance. He still might if he makes the merge, but I don’t think he will. Poop.

 

• Lauren: OK, Lauren, some advice: Eat food. It’s good for you and you need it.

 

• Kelley: I think the lack of a tribal shakeup saved Kelley. She’s in a good spot on Lesu, but the merge is going to kill her game, I think.

 

• The Wardog: Well, look at this. I’ve done it. I come around and I’m calling Dan The Wardog now. He’s not Dan anymore. He’s playing way better than I thought he would. I still think he’s made mistakes and he’s not winning, but Wardog is playing a really good game. Well, he’s playing a game and we’ve seen very few other castaways trying to play. Thank you producers.

 

OK, that’s all I got. Let’s pray this all gets better. It has to, right?