Please visit our generous sponsor:


September,
2002
Current issue:
Click here
Volume III
No. 9
Today's fun-filled, fact-free stories, brought to you by more than one of the not-so-good folks at Deathsuite:
NEWS                                 If you can read this, email us at truedorktimes@truedorktimes.com

Clintons in negotiations for reality TV series contract
    They've been out of the spotlight for a little less than two years, but get ready to get re-acquainted with the Clintons. Sources report that although previous rumors had former President Bill Clinton discussing a talk show with the network, plans are in fact underway to give the former Chief Executive his own celebrity-reality TV show. An excited CBS president Les Moonves promised, "this one's going to make The Osbournes look like Leave it to Beaver."
Click here for the full story.

HGTV lands rights to new decorating series, "From Martha's Cell"
    After a bitter bidding war with CourtTV, executives from the Home & Garden Television cable network jubilantly announced they have secured the rights to a star-studded mid-season replacement series, "From Martha's Cell." The show, starring the duchess of decor, Martha Stewart, could potentially replace the network's existing Stewart-hosted shows, "From Martha's Home" and "From Martha's Kitchen," should the investigation of insider trading allegations against Stewart lead to her incarceration.
Click here for the full story.

New! George W. Bush's very own weblog
    It's not entirely clear whether this is just another attempt by the rich and powerful to capitalize on the blog phenomenon, or if the White House just really didn't think anyone would find it. Either way, you can read the President's very own "thoughts," almost as they happen. About once every few months, as past history would seem to indicate.
Click here for the full story.

 
LIVING                             Actually, this section has very little to do with real life.

Cranky Andy
   Cranky Andy is back at it again, making lists o' stuff. His latest ones enlighten us with handy wisdom for the first year of marriage. Ah, sweet marital bliss. Click here to read his helpful tips.

Jittery Jeff!
   Okay, we discovered long ago that this Jeff guy is actually a weak rip-off of the formerly prolific Cranky Andy. Now that Andy's back, Jeff'd better start being funny soon, or he'll be getting the boot. Click here to see his lists.

Step this way for quick links to our way-too-large collection of Survivor content.
General Survivor crap Survivor 5: Thailand crap

Surviwhore!
Making fun of instant demi-celebrities. Recently refurbished to mock Survivors 2 through 4.		 Yes, this show is already in the can. Check out our S5 calendar to see what happened.

If you don't get our Survivor-related humor , you probably should watch the show. No wait, don't do that.

Want to know who's getting the boot?  So do we. But we're dumb enough to guess publicly, in our
Survivometer 5 .
Nostalgic for  Survivor: Marquesas?  Didn't think so. Still, feel free to relive the trauma with our S4 episode recaps. Or try S5. Want to ruin the show for yourself or others? Cool! Stop by our S5 Spoiler section, to see what we have to offer.
EDITORIAL                      Hoping to fill more table cells with empty texture in the near future.

Link
Get Your War On. It's been a year, but with a new war looming, David Rees' funny-as-all-hell strip is hitting stride again. A book's on the way.

Crappy's Bowl o' Flushing
    We've invited our mascot, Crappy the Smart-Assed Toilet, to write his own column.  Stop by each month to hear his hilarity-filled take on an especially flushable topic.  Watch out, he may have a potty mouth!
    This month: A grab bag of fecality.		 Things which don't suck
    Despite appearances to the contrary, there are actually a few things in the world that do not sink to the level of suckdom. Very, very few.  After an exhaustive search, we've uncovered a small collection. Click here to see what we've found.
Archives
    Have you missed an issue of the True Dork Times?  Well, we suppose we'll allow you to view our archives, anyway, just this once. Don't let it happen again.

E-mail us
    Hate what you see?  Of course you do!  We wouldn't be doing our job otherwise.  Address your venomous responses to: Truedorktimes@truedorktimes.com