Top secrets revealed in James Brolin's Barbra & Me: Making Marriage Work

10. "Pretending to shoot a fake gun on T.V. is not a good way to learn how to shoot a real gun accurately at a moving target. Only practice makes perfect."

9. "Never add poison to a meal that both you and your wife will eat and then pretend not to be hungry. This only creates suspicion, and she probably won't eat it anyway."

8. "Telling your wife how incredible the view is on the edge of your beach side cliff is usually not enough to get her to walk right up to the edge. Try to get another incentive."

7. "Apparently, a person with a large nose can breathe quite normally, even with a pillow pressed down over her head."

6. "Barbra is a very light sleeper."

5. "If you tell your wife to sit in the garage with the car running, be ready to answer her when she asks 'Why?' And 'Because' is not enough of an answer."

4. "Even if your wife doesn't know anything about electronics, she still won't touch a running blow drier while taking a bath."

3. "Whatever you do, don't put down 'Kill my wife' on the 'Planned Gun Use' line of your gun permit application. This will slow down the process by at least two weeks."

2. "Despite what you see in the movies, hitmen are very unreliable."

1. "Women do not believe the phrase 'I promise I will never try to kill you... again,' so get it right the first time."

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Top things learned in the first year of marriage

10. It is a miracle that I have made it this far in life, considering just how wrong I am all the time.

9. No matter how many times I watch the wedding video, and it has been quite a few, I still get choked up thinking about how much I would rather have had a new car.

8. If I had put a penny in a jar every time we had sex before we got married, and taken one out every time after we got married, I would still have a heck of a lot more money to my name than I have now.

7. Lonely people bitch way too much.

6. No matter what it is, if you bought your wife's anniversary gift at Sears Appliance Department, you made a big mistake.

5. Getting a cat does not reduce the number of conversations you will have about getting a cat.

4. No matter how long it seems, and despite all evidence to the contrary, there are, in fact, only 365 days in a year.

3. There is no such thing as free sex.

2. Instead of making this list, I should have been paying attention to my wife.

1. It takes a lot longer to plan a murder than you would think.

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