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HGTV
lands rights for new decorating series, "From Martha's Cell"
The network hopes the women's prison aura will lure more straight male viewers By Fabio Luss
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 KNOXVILLE,
Tennessee (TDT) After a bitter bidding war with CourtTV, executives from
the Home & Garden Television cable network jubilantly announced they
have secured the rights to a star-studded mid-season replacement series,
"From Martha's Cell." The show, starring the duchess of decor,
Martha Stewart, could potentially replace the network's existing Stewart-hosted
shows, "From Martha's Home" and "From Martha's Kitchen,"
should the investigation of insider trading allegations against Stewart
lead to her incarceration."Clearly, we are behind Martha one hundred percent in her effort to clear her name," a spokesman explained. "But should the unthinkable happen, we'll be ready to launch a vibrant new show, reflecting Martha's changing decorating environments. We have no doubt Martha will succeed in whatever she attempts." Sources close to the negotiations, however, suggest the network may secretly be hoping that the celebrity designer does end up behind bars. "They want to pitch the show as Oz, but with lesbian action and decoupage," said a network employee, on condition of anonymity. "They really seem to want to get more straight males watching their shows, possibly even without being forced to by their wives." For her part, Stewart appears to be happy to play along with the changes in her show's theme. "It will be an exciting, fabulous new challenge. Whenever I'm in prison, I like to think the cells present a blank canvas upon which to create decorating masterpieces." Indeed, the network reports Stewart has already submitted several ideas for potential episodes, including "Creating a faux stucco finish with smuggled mashed potatoes," "Accessorizing your jumpsuit: 50 fabulous ideas," and the holiday-themed, "Decorating with dung: It's not just for artists anymore." No official comment was made by K-Mart Corporation, with whom Stewart has an exclusive licensing and distribution agreement. Retail analysts, however, deemed the association with prisons "a step up for the company, both in terms of its merchandise and its customer service." |
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