Today, you're in luck!  Cranky Andy has these lists for you:

Top mottos of the Armenian Mafia
Top things overheard when Jesus talks to Frosty
Top least successful New Year's resolutions
Top things I know about Providence, RI (all learned from watching NBC's Providence)
Top daily activities of the average federal government employee
Top ways to mispronounce Osama bin Laden
Least Looked Up Words In the New 2002 Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary
Top countries named Guinea
Fun ways to celebrate Cinco de Mayo
Cool new features of Mac OS X
Things never to say to a bride-to-be

10. "We've Been Bruising Shins Since the Bronze Age"

9.  "We know where your wallet is, because it is at eye level."

8.  "We're even hairier than the Sicilians!"

7.  "We Put Bob in the Babaghanoush"

6.  "Don't mess with us, or we will charge you retail."

5.  "La Cosa Nosehair"

4.  "We put Bob in the Shish Kabob"

3.  "That's not fear you're smelling!"

2.  "Don't makes us go Prehistoric on your ass."

1.  "God's Chosen Organized Crime Syndicate Since the days of Noah."

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6.  "I am sorry you have to die every spring, but we all have our crosses to bear."

5.  "Me, its cold out here!"

4.  "So you just want us to drop everything and make a Ms. Frosty? Huh? Well, let me see a rib?"

3.  "No, I can't get you Delta Burke's phone number."

2.  "Actually, we stopped making new snowflakes four hundred years ago. Now they all pretty much look the same."

1.  "For the thousandth time Frosty, it is a sin to play with those snowballs."

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10. Use less crack.

9. Stop being affected by the force of gravity.

8. Stop being so gullible. (Also call Webster's to get picture removed from dictionary under gullible).

7. Use time sitting on couch watching t.v and eating chips more effectively by occasionally watching Lifetime.

6. Stop writing the year backwards

5. Spend more time in your retirement with your dog Buddy.

4. Evolve at a higher rate

3. No more blinking.

2. Make shorter lists

1. Stop letting the other guys on the cell block use you as their bitch.

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10.  You never have to wait at a hospital in Providence, and the doctors are all hot.

9.  There are no minorities in Providence, except for that one guy and apparently he is only in town temporarily.

8. The houses look exactly like the houses in that Smashmouth Video, or that P-Diddy Video or the Brady Bunch, or the Universal Studios Tour.

7.  It is always Sunny and 80.

6. Everyone has a job and enough money to buy really expensive dog food at a bakery.

5. Traffic is not a problem, because as far as I can tell, only a couple of people have cars.

4. The State is 45 miles tall and 37 miles wide and the whole thing can fit inside a sound studio.

3.  Housing is a major problem. Even if you are a doctor, you're probably going to have live at home well into your 30's.

2. Constant hallucinations involving your dead mother are not a cause for concern, and in fact, are rather commonplace.

1. If something's got you down in Providence, don't worry, cuz in less than an hour you'll find out that everything is going to be ok.

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10.  Lighting duty free cigarrettes with newly-printed one dollar bills.

9.  Earning 2.3 hours of vacation.

8.  Checking out official government information and research at www.sexualcongress.org

7.  Wading through endless pages of unintelligible bureaucratic red tape to find loop hole that allows you to run Napster on government computer.

6.  Drinking duty free booze at local Air Traffic Controllers' hangout.

5.  Hanging out at the Federal Health Care Pharmacy outlet to get dibs on all the leftovers.

4.  Submitting new Federal Holiday Proposals to Superiors (Coming soon: Vice Presidents' Half-Day).

3.  Air Hockey Tournaments in the government employee lounge.

2.  Filing daily soft-tissue related injury complaint form.

1.  Jenga!

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10. O-Shama-lama Ding Dong

9. O-Sama-Bama-Bo-Laden Banana-Fana Bin Baden-Fanama Dana Fin Faden-Laden

8. Sheboygan, Wisconsin

7. Osama been Hidin'

6. Yo Mama's Been Felatin'

5. Osama Frank Layden

4. U-Son-of-a-Bitchen

3. O'Someone's Who's Going to Get Flattened

2. A Big Smelly Llama

1. Osama Ben Stiller

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10. Subliminable

9.  Blindness

8.  Word

7.  Misspell

6.  Dude

5.  Definition

4.  Alphabetical

3.  Thrackent

2.  Illiterate

1.   Dictionary

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10. Equatorial Guinea

9.  France

8.  Bahamas (including the islands of Western and Southern Guinea)

7.  Guyana

6.  French Guyana

5.  Suriname (Formerly Dutch Guyana)

4.  Ghana

3.  Guinea-Bissau

2.  Papua New Guinea

1.  Guinea

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1.  Go "Supreme" on all Taco Bell orders.

2.  Paint your Ford Explorer in I.N.S. Green and try to enter it as a float in your local Cinco de Mayo Parade.

3.  Take part in the 'Latin Explosion' by recording a Spanish language album, just like Christina Aguilera.

4.  Go to a karaoke bar and sing "La Bamba" because that has never been done before.

5.  Shout out "Bring on the Chalupas!" every 5 minutes.

6.  Watch all five hours of "Sabado Gigante" without once making reference to any of the hot women dancing around the set.

7.  Beat up any French person you meet (also a good plan for Seis de Mayo through Treinta y Uno de Mayo).

8.  Speak Spanish all day, if you can't speak Spanish just use an accent like Speedy Gonzalez.

9.  Look for your lost dog "Speck" in the middle of San Jose's Cinco de Mayo Festival.

10. Party like it's Mil Novecientos Noventa y Nueve.

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1.  In order to make it more like Windows, it automatically crashes 1 time an hour.

2.  So fast it makes your Imac as powerful as a Compaq...sold in 1998.

3. Steve Jobs will go to the house of every remaining Mac user to personally install the software. That's right both of them.

4. New Aqua interface incorporates revolutionary "Dock" protocol that lines up small icons of active programs on the bottom of the screen in no manner related to how the Windows toolbar does it.  (Please don't look at the bottom of your screen).

5. Replaces complicated use of the mouse with wicked awesome keyboard shortcuts just like Wordperfect, but better.

6. It is X times better than the Mac OS 9.

7. "Extract Zipped Files" function completely overhauled and renamed  "Xtract Zipped Files"

8. Incorporates running stock ticker that monitors the ever declining value of Apple Stock.

9. By running OS X on an I-Mac with I-Tunes and and X-media for Macintosh you can watch the famous 1984 superbowl commercial where  Apple predict it will surpass IBM.

10. Boxes containing software available in lemon, taupe, mauve, elderberry and wine.

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Things never to say to a bride-to-be

1. Why don't you just bake the cake the night before the ceremony?

2. Instead of renting an expensive tuxedo, I could just wear one of those cool Tuxedo shirts.

3. We should pass a collection plate around during the ceremony, just like they do in regular church. Except this time we will keep the money.

4. We don't have to invite both of your brothers. Just choose your favorite.

5. Other than the bouquet, I don't think we need any other flowers in the ceremony.

6. Instead of wedding rings, why don't we just exchange meaningful glances.

7. Instead of registering for gifts, why don't we just have people pay down your student loan?

8. Why don't you wear one of the dresses you already own?

9. Why don't we have my dad take the pictures with his new digital camera?

10. Do you really think you should be wearing a white wedding dress? I mean, come on, who are you kidding?

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