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October,
2002
Next issue:
November 1, 2002
Volume III
No. 10
Today's fun-filled, fact-free stories, brought to you by more than one of the not-so-good folks at Deathsuite:
NEWS                                 If you can read this, email us at truedorktimes@truedorktimes.com

"Young Asian Sluts!" named to Spam Hall of Fame
    The Spam Hall of Fame has inducted a new class into its storied halls, and this year's sole inductee is "Young Asian Sluts!"  The Hall of Fame, located in a Sun Solaris server in Hoboken, New Jersey, has been inducting spam since 1997. Currently, the Spam Hall houses over 25 of the greatest examples of spam from the past five years including "Microsoft Testing New Email Product" and "Earn Money at Home."
Click here for the full story.

True Dork Times Cooking Exclusive
Laura's Recipes
We're pleased to announce the First Lady has dropped by, and has graciously donated some of her favorite Texas home-cookin' recipes. This month, we feature: Mushroom Cloud Pie. Click here for the recipe.

Steinbrenner officially severs relationship with Satan
    George Steinbrenner, in an official release today, has stated that his 30-year relationship with Satan is over, and that he will take no more calls from the Dark Lord. Steinbrenner, whose Yankees have won three of the past four World Series, states that Satan's decision to show favor to another one of Satan's more famous clients, Michael Eisner, and his Anaheim Angels, over the New York Yankees, signals a lack of respect that cannot be tolerated, despite their longtime friendship.
Click here for the full story.

Still going! George W. Bush's very own weblog
    It's not entirely clear whether this is just another attempt by the rich and powerful to capitalize on the blog phenomenon, or if the White House just really didn't think anyone would find it. Either way, you can read the President's very own "thoughts," almost as they happen. About once every few months, as past history would seem to indicate.
Click here for the full story.

 
LIVING                             Actually, this section has very little to do with real life.

Cranky Andy
   Cranky Andy is back at it again, making lists o' stuff. His latest ones enlighten us with handy wisdom for the first year of marriage. Ah, sweet marital bliss. Click here to read his helpful tips.

Jittery Jeff!
   Okay, we discovered long ago that this Jeff guy is actually a weak rip-off of the formerly prolific Cranky Andy. Now that Andy's back, Jeff'd better start being funny soon, or he'll be getting the boot. Click here to see his lists.

Step this way for quick links to our way-too-large collection of Survivor content.
General Survivor crap Survivor 5: Thailand crap

Surviwhore!
Making fun of instant demi-celebrities. Recently refurbished to mock Survivors 2 through 4.		 Yes, this show is already in the can. Check out our S5 calendar to see what happened.

If you don't get our Survivor-related humor , you probably should watch the show. No wait, don't do that.

Want to know who's getting the boot?  So do we. But we're dumb enough to guess publicly, in our
Survivometer 5 .
Nostalgic for  Survivor: Marquesas?  Didn't think so. Still, feel free to relive the trauma with our S4 episode recaps. Or try S5. Want to ruin the show for yourself or others? Cool! Stop by our S5 Spoiler section, to see what we have to offer.
EDITORIAL                      Hoping to fill more table cells with empty texture in the near future.

Link
Engrish.com. Because sometimes, feeble attempts to sell Japanese stuff in English are funny.

Crappy's Bowl o' Flushing
    We've invited our mascot, Crappy the Smart-Assed Toilet, to write his own column.  Stop by each month to hear his hilarity-filled take on an especially flushable topic.  Watch out, he may have a potty mouth!
    This month: A grab bag of fecality.		 Things which don't suck
    Despite appearances to the contrary, there are actually a few things in the world that do not sink to the level of suckdom. Very, very few.  After an exhaustive search, we've uncovered a small collection. Click here to see what we've found.
Archives
    Have you missed an issue of the True Dork Times?  Well, we suppose we'll allow you to view our archives, anyway, just this once. Don't let it happen again.

E-mail us
    Hate what you see?  Of course you do!  We wouldn't be doing our job otherwise.  Address your venomous responses to: Truedorktimes@truedorktimes.com