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Hide
the kids, lock up the dog, and plaster the walls with garbage bags,
it's...
By
Crappy the Smart-Assed Toilet
True
Dork Times Mascot and Craven Attempt to Appeal to the Lowest Common
Denominator
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This
month, the crap that clogs my pipes is: The top music stories
of 2003
iPod,
iTunes and and iTunes Music Store render radio irrelevant
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 Take
that, Clear Channel. We'll listen to what we want, when we
want, dammit. No, it's not perfect, but it's a damn fine model
for the legal distribution
of music at (relatively) low prices. You're not forced to pay
$15 for one song you like plus 60 minutes of filler. Sure,
there are a lot of indie labels that have yet to join in,
but in time, they'll probably come around.
Perhaps the best sign that it works: Metallica and the Chili
Peppers strongly protested the a-la-carte sales of single songs,
saying it corrupted the artistic concept of the album. While
we can see that argument coming from, say, the Mars Volta,
it's just funny coming from two bands who haven't produced
anything worth downloading since roughly the time the web was
born. |
Sub
Pop and Matador trip over each other trying to convince us
it's really 1983
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From
Postal Service to Hot Hot Heat on the label formerly
known as grunge, to Interpol's Joy Division/ Smiths
fetishizing for the bullfighters, you'd have to wonder if
this was really another major-label attempt to foist some
old "new" sound on the market, like ska and the Big Band
revival. Except a bunch of Saddle Creekers were doing the
same (you know who you are).
Meanwhile, Jane's Addiction, foolishly thinking they could
convince us it was actually 1989, tried to stage a comeback.
Try again in six years, Perry. We're not that desperate.
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RIAA
sues MP3 downloaders
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Yeah,
that'll encourage them to buy more of your overpriced crap.
Good idea. Our favorite victim was the Mac user who couldn't
even use the KaZaA software. How about the majors try to reap
higher
profits by forcibly restraining themselves from blowing millions
catering
to the whims of the likes of Britney, Justin and Christina?
Nah, that would be too hard. |
Cold's "Stupid
Girl" gets played 24 hours a day, for the entire year
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Oh goody, another
Nickelback. Just what
the world desperately needed.
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Emo
is the new nu-metal
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 *Sniff*
We'll still have our tear-stained journal all to ourselves.
*Sniff*
Linkin Park responds to the new music world order by releasing
their third remix version of "Hybrid Theory," this time creatively
titled "Meteora." Meanwhile, Limp Bizkit tries the stunning
new tactic of covering another band's former hit song. Truly,
the emo revolution has shaken the music industry to its core.
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| After
turning her into a millionaire, MTV gives Jessica Simpson
her own reality show, in which we learn she is actually an
idiot |
Shocking,
truly shocking. |
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