TDT advises the Survivor producers: New places to hide Russell's rightful idols

 

Dear Survivor producers: As everyone who watches your show with any regularity knows, when Russell Hantz is a contestant, the "hidden" immunity idols are about as difficult for the contestants to find as bug bites or intestinal parasites. We're not questioning your wisdom, we're just pointing out that everyone else seems to have figured this out, since two players not named Russell Hantz have now managed to find hidden idols without written clues, one of them within hours of arrival, the other without really even trying.

 

Since this undoubtedly violated a clause in Russell's terms for appearing on the show, we're here with some helpful advice on better places to hide the idols, because Lord knows you wouldn't want to break your contract. We're here to help:

 

 

1. In Russell's armpits.

Trust us, nobody else would dream of looking there. We're not sure Russell would either, but hey, that at least gives you the appearance of fairness, right?

 

2. Inside the written clues for finding the idol.

Sample text: "This may be a hidden idol. Try it out and see. Either Redemption Island or immunity waits for thee." Wait, no. That's probably too tricky for Russell to figure out. Maybe you should go with "Hunt, hunt. Peck, peck. Thanks to laziness/budget cuts, just put this around your neck."

 

 

3. Underneath Russell, in the Zapatera hut.

This is where Russell spends about 99% of his non-confessional time, so it should qualify as "well hidden." Also, Russell covers a fairly large surface area in the supine position (at least horizontally), so you'll have hiding options galore.

 

4. Inside Russell's fedora.

Pluses: Russell's hat rarely comes off, at least in daylight (unless there's a challenge).

Minuses: Nobody wants to be looking at anything that's underneath Russell's hat.

 

In fact, scratch that, this seems somewhat cruel and unusual. Sorry we suggested it.