Editor's note: A new tribe... can we just pretend the first five episodes never happened, and call it a new season? Survivor finally was worth watching this week, with a satisfying immunity challenge (and winner), and enough moving parts to put the final vote in doubt. We weren't thrilled with how the vote ended up, but you can't have everything. In a just world, we would honor Corinne's contributions to the show with a narrative from her perspective. But there's no way we could even hope to match that level of witty venom. So instead, we bring you our most vacuous, shallow recap yet: Caramoan's merge episode, as told by...

Contestant E. And Contestant E. (Sorry if you were hoping for something better.)