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1. The White Stripes' rise to MTV darlinghood
Proves that having a visually cool video can override MTV's requirement that your music has to be complete shite. True, it was a little strange seeing them surrounded by hundreds of red-and-white-clad escapees from MTV's Beach House at the 2002 MTV Movie Awards, but Nirvana had to deal with much the same thing. Still, they're the only band keeping us from taking a sledgehammer to our radio.

2. The Astros' failure to learn from their naming rights mistakes post-Enron
Not that anyone would dare ridicule the Houston Minute Maids... whoops! We meant to say, "Astros." How silly of us.

3. Southwest Airlines' crusade against "Passengers of size"
The problem is more the size of the seats than the passengers, but mostly, we just like saying "Passengers of size."

4. Baseball players are gradually starting to shed their goatees
The high-water mark was around 1998, when a team photo of the San Diego Padres showed 25 identical-looking white guys. Now some fashion-forward players, such as Steve Finley, are starting to realize that chin hair was last daring and original sometime back in the early 90's. Now if only somebody could educate Randy Johnson on abuse of the mullet, we'd be happy.

5. World Cup fever!
Almost as contagious as Bowling Botulism and Croquet Conjuctivitis!

6. Jack Osborne's advice to Spin readers
"Stop buying so much shitty music!" This fills us with a multitude of emotions: (1) Dude! Totally! (2) Umm, as an A&R rep for a major label, isn't it partly your fault that the consuming public has such a crappy selection from which to choose? and (3) We presume he's talking about his dad's and his sister's most recent releases.