By Chad O. Guffment
True Dork Times Puppetry Editor

WASHINGTON, D.C. (TDT) Washington observers are still at a loss to explain the remarkable lack of detectable differences in governmental operation during Dick Cheney's brief reign as Acting President, while George W. Bush underwent a scheduled colonoscopy in late June. "How could this happen?" asked a puzzled commentator George Will. "George W. Bush is such a vital, vibrant component of this administration, it's difficult to imagine his being absent for even a second without some ramifications occurring."

The initial announcement that Bush would be transferring Presidential powers to Cheney, while Bush was under anesthesia for his procedure, sent shockwaves through the government and business communities. Military experts predicted Cheney might turn the U.S. into a warrior state, with extended overseas military engagement, and no clear mission statement in the Middle East. Environmental groups expressed concerns that a Cheney-led nation might favor oil and gas exploration and consumption of fossil fuels over extended research on alternative fuel sources. Wall Street observers privately worried that with Cheney minding the store, multiple American corporations might collapse in damaging corruption and accounting scandals.

Instead, several pundits noted, "You could hardly tell that anything was different. It was like Dick had been there, doing the job all along. Obviously, that's crazy talk, but it is quite confounding."

When asked about his remarkable performance on Sunday news shows the next morning, the now-former-Acting President Cheney said simply, "Preparation. President Bush has a grueling schedule each day, which includes ignoring Colin Powell's voicemail messages, making appearances at fundraisers, watching baseball on TV, and a fair amount of napping. Thanks to a six-month conditioning program my personal trainer came up with, I was able to step into the Boss's shoes for two hours and fifteen minutes. Whew! It was draining. You can bet I slept in an extra 10 minutes this morning!"