We know, we know... people have been wondering: "Why Ozzy and Coach? What do they possibly have in common with each other, apart from being guys whose autographs desperately wants?"
Well fret no more, the picture above explains it all: Ozzy and Coach have now become twins. Of course!
If, like a lot of people, you expected the preview of Survivor: South Pacific to show scenes of... well, Survivor: South Pacific... instead of recycled crap from previous Survivor seasons, boy do we have a treat for you! And that treat is: Survivor: South Pacific itself is pretty much recycled crap from previous Survivor seasons! Yay! Below, we've vidcapped and analyzed the entire preview, to help give you an idea of what you'll see next season. (Hint: It'll be exactly the same as Redemption Island, except in Samoa, and with fewer multi-duels, and lower-tier returning stars than Boston Rob and Russell Hantz).
So here is the preview, in vidcap gallery form, along with our explanations for what you're seeing.
If I close my eyes, the horror of S22 will disappear, and will be replaced by all-new awesomeness. Please?... dammit.
To speed the Redemption process along, the entire cast of S23 will be actual angels. Plus Roma Downey.
In retrospect, the S22 snuffer appeared to be snarling because RI had turned it into a eunuch
Hooray! Erik is Reichen-back! (Probably not)
We're pretty sure nobody will recognize Samoa if we pass all the video through a Hipstamatic filter
We're pretty sure you haven't seen enough helicopter arrivals in the past three seasons. So get excited for another one! Yeah!
Look! It's Matt Elrod! See, he really was in a regular Survivor challenge at one point!
Good news, everyone! Russell Swan will be back in Samoa next season.
Bad news, everyone! So will Mick.
Ask not for whom Candace from Tocantins eyes weep. They weep for thee, Survivor.
We put this shot of Parvati and Candice in the promo to remind you that this will never be seen as a duel, and that this show fell off a cliff after HvsV.
Due to increasing age and the unforgiving nature of HD, Probst will be shown exclusively in soft focus.
These tikis represent the spirits of past Survivor seasons also filmed in the South Pacific, all besmirched by this season's name. The spirits are either really happy or really angry. Jeff Probst assures us it's happy.