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 SKYWALKER
RANCH, California (TDT). Star Wars series creator George Lucas has finally
settled on actor-comedian Tom Green to play the adult Anakin Skywalker
/ Darth Vader character in Star Wars: Episode 3, the final "prequel"
chapter to the original trilogy. A spokesman for Lucasfilm described
Green as "a great actor, effortlessly bringing the necessary depth
and darkness to the character. Plus, he's great at making scowly faces,
which as you know is a mark of dramatic excellence."
The spokesman denied the decision was in any way connected to the negative
reactions audiences and reviewers alike had to Hayden Christensen, whose
leaden performance as Anakin in Episode 2: Attack of the Clones
made Jake Lloyd's earlier work as young Anakin seem almost Olivier-esque
in comparison.
"Hayden is a gifted actor. That scene alone - the one where he
got all frowny-looking while thinking of the Tuscan Raiders - should
gurarantee him and Lucas a couple of Oscars. But mostly, we just wanted
to continue the theme of Anakin looking much, much older than Amidala.
It helps make the love scenes more realistic. We were going to try to
slip Sean Connery in as Anakin, but test audiences remembered him as
Harrison Ford's dad in the Indiana Jones movie, and got confused
about whether he was supposed to be Luke or Han's father."
As is traditional with Star Wars filming, details of the plot
of the sixth and final film are being kept tightly under wraps. But
insiders assert that Green's trademark provocative humor will find its
way into the movie. "He's improvising all the time," explains
one source. "In the scene where Anakin completely converts to the
Dark Side, Tom built a model of the Death Star out of his own feces,
then raced around the Jedi Council, daring the others to eat it. Finally,
to prove he's a real Jedi, he ate it himself! It was brilliant! Sam
Jackson looked a little confused, since there was nothing resembling
that in the script, but we can fix that back at ILM, no problem."
Reaction to the casting decision from Star Wars fan groups was
considerably less enthusiastic. One internet fan wondered, "Is
the whole point of the prequel casting to make us hate Vader not because
of his deeds, but because of his abominable acting? Wait a minute...
yeah, that's actually pretty tricky. Kewl!"
Green's parents, long targets of his TV show antic, expressed relief
that the lengthy filming schedule could finally afford them some long-awaited
relief from their son's frequent intrusions. They did, however, express
concern that the role might increase the frequency of incidents involving
their son wandering the streets of Ottawa naked, with a light saber
strapped to his genitals, screaming "Luke, I am your father!"
At the mention of this, Green's father sighed resignedly, "It was
kind of funny the first time, I guess, but then he just wouldn't stop.
Yes, I'd say we're a bit worried."
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