By Thurman Dynamex
True Dork Times Physics Editor

TERRE HAUTE, Indiana (AGB)  Terry Storti, a local Terre Haute resident, who works as a greeter at one of Terre Haute's three Wal-Mart stores, claims that the Nobel Prize committee snubbed him by not including him in the award for the Nobel Prize in Physics, and he has documentation to prove it.

The award went to Wolfgang Ketterle, a physics professor, who shares the prestigious $1 million prize with Eric Cornell and Carl Wieman for creating a Bose-Einstein condensate, a form of matter that is neither gas, nor solid nor  liquid.  It is extremely pure and coherent, in the same way that lasers are a pure kind of light.

Storti claims that he in fact discovered this form of matter years ago, and that at least a third of that prize money rightfully belongs to him.  Storti traces his discovery to October of 1995, when he visited a Taco Bell in Des Plaines, IN, on his way home.

"I decided to order the Macho Combo Burrito, and I macho sized it,  so I got the 32 oz Pepsi. and a side of beans," Storti explains.  Despite being over 90 miles away from his home, Storti claims he knew the risks invovled with his order, but decided to try an make the "Run for the Border" anyway.

"I almost didn't make it home," Storti continues. "But I knew I had something special brewing inside me, and I simply had to get home in order to fully appreciate the experience."

It was at home in his bathroom where Storti claims he first discovered a state of matter that was neither gas, nor solid, nor  liquid. "It was like a vapor, but more solid.  It wasn't liquid, though.  It was just plain freaky."  Storti describes his discovery as a pure stream of matter that sung as it entered the world, and resembled nothing he had ever seen before.  These reports are eerily similar to the Nobel prize-winning discovery made by the trio of scientists.

Unfortunately, Storti was living alone at the time, so no one can verify his story.  A pet fish he had at the time has since passed away from another unrelated Taco Bell incident.

Storti states that after learning of the Nobel Award he contacted the Committee in Sweden, but they wouldn't take his calls.  "It's like, just cuz I didn't use a computer, I ain't scientific.  Well  I'll tell you what, Einstein didn't use a computer!  He used his brain.  I used my ass, so that makes me just like Einstein."

Nobel Prize winners Ketterle, Cornell and Wieman declined to comment on Storti's claims, but reports indicate that they are aware of the controversy, and have started to go to Taco Bell on a regular basis.

"Those science bastards are trying to rob me of my rightful discovery!" Storti concludes. "I still got the receipt to prove it, and I am taking my case all the way to the Supreme Science Court!"

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