September 15th, 2002

Gameday! Cant believe Clinton didn't get the NFL pkage on the satelllite. it's only like 16 dllars more a month and the txpauers would want it. Dick droped off a case of Bud lite on his way to meetun with some arab pokes in the war room. Goos shit! tases great, les fillin! tastes gret! les fillin! heh heh.
Took no cals today to watch the Boys and the Texans play! Yeeeeehhaaaa! Boys win! Texans lost. sucks. Faucking san diego, i hate em. Lara hid the snacks too that BITCH! heh national seduritee my butt. she just dont want me snakin between meals. I ALREDY GOT A MOM. dammit where's the remote

September 12th, 2002

What a crazy day! I had four or five diffrerent things to do. First I had to go make nice with Hillary and Chuck at a breakfast meeting in New York. Hillary was late, I am guessing putting on that extra layer of make-up she uses to hide the truth. Chuck's ok for a jew. He even ate bacon for breakfast, so I guess he can be trusted. Then I got to go convince all those foreigners at the UN that they better get behind me on this Iraq thing or they will be next on my list: (1)Terrarists and Terra, (2)Sadam, (3) all foreigners (not the band Foreigner though, they rock it the most). I didn't get to say that though. That's what Rummy wanted me to say, but Condy said that if I threatened to bomb France again they might kick us out of the UN. Which is fine with me. One less speech to give. Also, no one else thought saying "Un" all day instead of U, N was funny cept me. History will bear me out. Those guys are UN-funny, UN-cooperative and UN-der the assumption that I give an owl's hoot what they think. Check this out. When you speak at the UN some gizmo instantly translates what you say to bout a zillion other languages. I threw them a few curves just to keep them on their feet cuz I bet there ain't no words in Swahili for "I'm gonna send a nucular bomb up Sadam's butt"!

September 6th, 2002

Just got off the phone with my good friend Vlad, talking about the Iraq thing. He's a funny guy, that Vlad, always trying to play it up like he's mad at me and such. But I shook his hand and looked him in the eye once, and I can tell he's a good fella. Some people don't like him because he used to be in the KGB, but I know better. You can't fool a Texan. Just because his troops may kill a few civilians when they are routing out the terrorists in that Chechen-ya country, or he doesn't tell the press or the public what he's doing all the time, or he tries to make some money selling weapons to Libya, Iraq, and Iran, that doesn't make him a bad guy. These are the risks a CEO has to take, and if those Mafia guys there in Moscow want to give him a few gifts in exchange for his hard work, well, he deserves every penny. Or roobel, or whatever they call it there. I like that Sopranos show, they seem like good fellas, too. Anyways, I'll send him some more vodka, and he'll be happy. I don't think they sell it there, because he looked a little surprised when I gave him the last bottle.

August 15th, 2002

Boy, it's no fun taking vacations anymore. Everytime I think I have a month to just sit and relax at the ranch, there's another fine Republican candidate that needs my help in defeating those evildoers in the Democratic party. I'm happy to do it, because the American people elected me, and they gave me a mandate to charge them $2500 a plate to have dinner with them. But still, I miss the days when I was governor, and I could just talk to the cows for a month at a time. Then there's those pinkos at the New York Times, always saying bad things about my people, and leaking top secret plans about our invasion of Iraq. I mean, I can talk about it here, because it's private and on the internet. Maybe I should get Ashcroft to look into them.

June 6th, 2002

Talked to Mr. Rumsfeld today, and he and Uncle Dick say we're a "go" on routing out that evildoer in Bagdad (sp?) This is gonna be sweet. I hope they let me watch the cameras on those guided missiles this time, because Poppy says that was really cool. That Colin Powell fella's always yelling about how we have to "talk to our allies" and such, but I'm tired of it. I've waited fifteen long months, and every weekend Poppy calls up and asks if we're invading yet, and every time I have to tell him "not yet." It's not fair! I don't know why Poppy made me pick that Powell guy, he's such a party pooper. You'd think a military guy would like wars more. I keep telling Poppy I need to get Jim Baker back, because he's a good Texan, but Poppy keeps saying not until after the next election, when that Condie Rice becomes the veep. Something about having to have colored people in high positions so the liberals don't complain. I keep telling him the liberals don't like me anyway, but Poppy never listens to me. But at least he'll be happy soon. I can't wait to see the look on that Saddam's face, when he sees his people lining the streets to cheer our good fighting boys, as we roll our tanks past all their bombed-out Iraq buildings. I'll bet they'll all be waving American flags, and throwing flowers and such. That Saddam's gonna be pissed, hehehe.

February 12th, 2002

Hi there, this is my first entry in this web-log thingy. How are you doing?

Okay, well, if your not going to answer, ill just keep going, I guess. But all this typing does seem like a lot of work. Poppy told me I need to keep a diary so I can remember stuff for something called my memwar. Keep track of my thoughts and such. I said thats good, because I have lots of thoughts. But he said it better be private, or bad things can happen if those evildoer Democrats get in the White House again. So I thought, I know, Ill put it on that internet thing, people will never find it there. I know I can't! Jenna said there was thing called a "weblog", and then she said something else that sounded like "hog" and that got me thinking about pork rinds. Pork rinds are really good. Not as good as good Texas barbacue (sp?), but still good. Now where was I? Oh yeah. So I'm supposed to record my thoughts. Gotcha.

Anyways, Enron, Enron, Enron. All those stupid press people want to talk about is that dumb Enron. Why do they always pick on good old Texas folks? I think it's because their all jealous of our great state. What's the matter with CEOs getting to keep some of the money that the stock buyers put into it? They're the ones taking the risks and all, not the workers, who are just sucking away the profits, or the stockholders, who are always whining about their money. I mean, when my company went down, I just asked Poppy's friends for more money, and they gave it to me. How hard is that? I guess other people are just too stupid to do this, or something. We need to start bombing that evildoer in Iraq, that will make people happy again, and get them off the backs of these good Texas businessmen. Anyways, thats a good start, right. I've got lots of thoughts.