"Cheneys of Love" tops list of upcoming reality TV series

NBC hopes Cheneys of Love will leap to top of reality TV heap
'People will never get tired of reality TV,' giddy network execs proclaim

By Ray Moate
True Dork Times Television Editor

LOS ANGELES (TDT) Fast on the highly popular, Emmy nomination-mongering heels of Survivor, the TV networks are readying an avalanche of similar low-budget, high-concept reality series, hoping to ensnare a not-quite-saturated audience.

In a long-awaited announcement, NBC unveiled its plans for a new reality television series, Cheneys of Love, which will anchor the networks offerings on Wednesday nights this fall. The highly-touted series follows four medical students in their attempts to keep continuous track of Vice President Dick Cheney's vital signs, as he plows through his grueling Washington schedule.

"We think this combines elements of some of our best series - The West Wing and ER - as well as satisfying the public's insatiable appetite for reality programming," network executives promised. "We think people will never get tired of reality TV."

The payoff for winning the competition, which will go to the last person in continuous stethoscope contact with the Vice President, will be $25,000, plus a framed, signed picture from Mr. Cheney himself. The network reportedly received over 30,000 applications for the show, with the most-cited reason for auditioning reportedly being "I want to help pay off part of this year's tuition."

Critics have disparaged the paltry prize money totals in this and other NBC reality/ game show offerings, such as Fear Factor. This has done nothing to dissuade the willing participants, however. One auditionee, Chris King from San Diego, said "Heck, I'd pay that much to hold a stethoscope on Dick Cheney for days at a time, as long as somebody's filming it!"

Cheneys of Love is, of course, not alone among reality shows being touted by their respective networks for fall launches. Here are some of the more scintillating offerings, coming soon to a home theater near you:

The Series The Concept Hit or Miss?

Cheneys of Love, NBC
     Four medical students are forced to maintain stethoscope contact with Vice President Dick Cheney, as he flits through Sunday talk shows, strong-arms Senate and House Republicans into doing his bidding, secures domestic and international agreements to send his Halliburton stock skyrocketing, and otherwise runs the free world. Last one still attached wins. NBC originally had planned to run this live, but wisely opted for a taped series. Rumor has it that the med students fared so poorly that the network has had to do extensive padding, including endless "heartwarming" personal-interest stories on the contestants. This may bode poorly for the series' prospects, although it didn't seem to hurt the ratings for the Olympics, also on NBC.

Love Tom Cruise, FOX
    Part of FOX's continuing quest to promise skin-filled titillation while actually delivering mild, PG-rated content. Eight lithesome female twentysomethings board a Love Boat-style vessel, and are challenged to get into Tom Cruise's pants. Closest to the goal wins. "The best thing about this show is that it could go on forever! Take it to the bank, YES!" an enthusiastic FOX representative told the press. We suspect that the public will eventually figure this out on their own.

Temptations Island, FOX
   FOX has revamped their much-maligned series from last season to appeal more to baby-boomer viewers. In this version, aging boomer couples have to sit in an island resort bar as long as they can, while enduring continuous crooning by the remaining members of sixties' soul group The Temptations. While critics laud FOX for at least trying something different, few think the shift away from watered-down sexual voyeurism will lure significant additional viewers. Several feel, in fact, that this version borders on abject sadism.

The Amazing Grace Race, CBS
     Eleven two-person teams, on shoestring budgets, have to follow notoriously slow-footed Arizona Diamondbacks first baseman Mark Grace on a weeks-long journey around the basepaths. Any team that passes him is automatically eliminated, as is any team determined by the judges not to actually be moving. "What's difficult about this show is how the teams can survive for that long without money," notes LA Times TV critic Howard Rosenberg. "Food is very expensive at Bank One Ballpark, and this could take well over a month to film. I predict one team member will have to be sent out to scrounge discarded peanut shells, or raid the condiment dispensers, while the other holds their place in the race."

The Runs, ABC
    Loosely based on a Fugitive theme, created by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, and made by the producer of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, this series frees a real convict, and sets him loose in Mexico for a month. He must elude both capture and intestinal discomfort, as he will be allowed to drink only local tap water. No word on if the fugitive is allowed the obvious escape trick of crossing back into the U.S. with the help of coyotes. The show is still under development, so the network may catch this flaw.

Back to the True Dork Times

The Series	The Concept	Hit or Miss?
	*Cheneys of Love*, NBC Four medical students are forced to maintain stethoscope contact with Vice President Dick Cheney, as he flits through Sunday talk shows, strong-arms Senate and House Republicans into doing his bidding, secures domestic and international agreements to send his Halliburton stock skyrocketing, and otherwise runs the free world. Last one still attached wins.	NBC originally had planned to run this live, but wisely opted for a taped series. Rumor has it that the med students fared so poorly that the network has had to do extensive padding, including endless "heartwarming" personal-interest stories on the contestants. This may bode poorly for the series' prospects, although it didn't seem to hurt the ratings for the Olympics, also on NBC.
	*Love Tom Cruise*, FOX Part of FOX's continuing quest to promise skin-filled titillation while actually delivering mild, PG-rated content. Eight lithesome female twentysomethings board a Love Boat-style vessel, and are challenged to get into Tom Cruise's pants. Closest to the goal wins.	"The best thing about this show is that it could go on forever! Take it to the bank, YES!" an enthusiastic FOX representative told the press. We suspect that the public will eventually figure this out on their own.
	Temptations Island, FOX FOX has revamped their much-maligned series from last season to appeal more to baby-boomer viewers. In this version, aging boomer couples have to sit in an island resort bar as long as they can, while enduring continuous crooning by the remaining members of sixties' soul group The Temptations.	While critics laud FOX for at least trying something different, few think the shift away from watered-down sexual voyeurism will lure significant additional viewers. Several feel, in fact, that this version borders on abject sadism.
	*The Amazing Grace Race*, CBS Eleven two-person teams, on shoestring budgets, have to follow notoriously slow-footed Arizona Diamondbacks first baseman Mark Grace on a weeks-long journey around the basepaths. Any team that passes him is automatically eliminated, as is any team determined by the judges not to actually be moving.	"What's difficult about this show is how the teams can survive for that long without money," notes LA Times TV critic Howard Rosenberg. "Food is very expensive at Bank One Ballpark, and this could take well over a month to film. I predict one team member will have to be sent out to scrounge discarded peanut shells, or raid the condiment dispensers, while the other holds their place in the race."
	The Runs, ABC Loosely based on a Fugitive theme, created by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, and made by the producer of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, this series frees a real convict, and sets him loose in Mexico for a month. He must elude both capture and intestinal discomfort, as he will be allowed to drink only local tap water.	No word on if the fugitive is allowed the obvious escape trick of crossing back into the U.S. with the help of coyotes. The show is still under development, so the network may catch this flaw.