Based on the frequent charge that we are just too negative around here, we've decided to set a precedent for happy, inclusive, uniter-not-a-divider rhetoric, by compiling a list of Things Which Don't Suck.  We envisioned this is as a rapidly-changing, frequently-updated list, which takes into account our reader's suggestions.  So far, this has meant you'll be lucky to see it change more than once a month, and it currently reflects entirely our overworked staff's opinions.

E-mail your suggestions to: truedorktimes@truedorktimes.com if you think a different strategy should be in order.

These are a few of our semi-favorite things, in no particular order.

1. Fantasy baseball on espn.com
Success is always a sign of owner genius.  Failure can only be blamed on overpaid, pampered, underperforming players, and the cold, crushing brutality of cruel, heartless fate.  Usually, there's more of the latter.  This explains the official True Dork Times team's painful slide to a pedestrian 90% overall score.

2. Listening to George W. Bush trying to complete a speech.
He seems.  To stop.  His sentences in.  Awkward places.
Could he.  Have been.  Coached by.  blink-182?

3. Zev Borow's "Learning Page," formerly (?) in Spin
Now four straight months of Spin with no "Learning Page."  Travis Millard's "The Last Page" has taken its place, featuring a lengthy, moderately amusing series on being in a middle-aged crappy band.  While this is marginally funny to those of us who have been in middle-aged crappy bands, Zev's more-cerebral stuff (the footnotes one was pure genius) was vastly superior.  They booted Sean Landers just when he hit his stride - could Spin be this stupid twice?  All signs point to Yes.

4.  Suck.com, R.I.P.
Suck didn't suck.  What does suck is that Suck is no more.  Sure, we found the read-down-the-middle layout irritating in its scroll-inducing waste of screen real estate, but the content was otherwise pretty solid.  Memo to other literary-minded e-entrepreneurs - if you want to keep a zine afloat, don't pay the writers.

5. Michael Jordan doing 1-800-COLLECT commercials.
What, did the Hanes money dry up or something?  How swiftly the sands of endorsement power shift.  What's next, hawking memorabilia on Home Shopping Network?  Ads for ESPN the Magazine?