|
|
The
Fake News
|
Mark
Burnett vs. Mark Burnett
Who would win in a fight between 'Survivor'
and 'The Apprentice'?
Four
years into America's seemingly incurable addiction to reality
TV, the viewing public is still flocking in inexpicable
numbers to Mark Burnett over-produced fare (such as the
top ten-squatting shows Survivor: All-Stars and The
Apprentice) like moths to the bug zapper. But if you
were forced, say by terrorists, or something, to watch
just one of these soaps-that-we-swear-aren't-scripted,
which should it be? Well, luckily for you, we can help
you with that.
Read
more here.
|
Photo:
wwjcd.com |
For
an extra $19.99, many retailers will gladly include this
handsome acid-free vial to display your cross fragment.
|
Market
exploding for Passion of the Christ-ian relics
HOLLYWOOD,
California (TDT) It was a marriage made in Heaven: Blockbuster box-office receipts
for Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, coupled with the Christian
seasons of Lent through Easter. Now, with Easter passed, and the world still
filled with uncertainty, particularly in the region depicted in the film, true
believers are looking for more substantial ways to connect with the Jesus story.
And as divine providence would have it, such substances are rapidly finding their way
to the marketplace.
A small empire of movie-related memorabilia (or as the
sellers would have it, "relics") has sprung up, not unlike the money
traders in the Temple. Web sites such as WeGotYourCrossRightHere.com and WhatWouldJimCaviezelDo.com
(also known as wwjcd.com) are hawking "Fragments of the True Cross (the
guy playing) Jesus was crucified on!" for a mere four easy payments of $29.99,
plus shipping and handling. Several entrepreneurs claim to be selling "the
actual linens that were applied to the body of (the actor playing) Jesus. Features
real (artificial) blood stains!"
Not surprisingly, stock is flying off the shelves for
these retailers. "Business is booming," grinned Titulus Cruces, founder
of PassionParts.net. "We had so many orders for cross pieces, we've been
forced to make four extra ones and smash them up to meet the demand. We know
this is going to end eventually, since it seems unlikely there will be a sequel.
But we expect another boost when the DVD comes out around Christmas!" So
far, none of these businesses have gotten their hands on the cup used in the
film's Last Supper scene, but all agree, "That would be our Holy Grail!" |
 Bert
and Ernie beat deadline, tie knot in San Francisco
SAN
FRANCISCO, California (TDT) Narrowly reaching the city hall steps in time,
longtime Sesame Street companions Bert and Ernie exchanged wedding
vows in San Francisco several weeks ago. The two took advantage of city mayor
Gavin Newsom's pledge to recognize same-sex unions, before a state Supreme
Court order forced the city to stop issuing marriage licenses.
They were long Sesame Street's odd couple - the yellow-headed,
pigeon-tending, fussbudget named Bert, and his longtime companion, the orange-skinned,
mess-making, free spirit called Ernie. And while they had been cohabiting for
over a quarter-century, the news still came as a surprise to some of their co-stars.
Said an incredulous Big Bird, "I had no idea. They've always had separate
beds, you know. What does this mean?" While others expressed happiness at
the couple's long-term commitment, particularly Elmo's friend Mr. Noodle, and
his "brother," Mr. Noodle, a
testy
Oscar
the
Grouch
refused
repeated
requests for an interview, replying only with "Scram!" |
|
24
Stuff |
 The
button at the right will take you to the 24 Life Expectancy
Chart. It will be the longest, most
boring click of your life. Also, don't forget, You
Got Jacked. |
Election
2004 |
Because
there's something to ridicule about every candidate. Now serving
the parade of would-be Vice Presidents.
Click here for
our
Vote2004 pages
|
|
Cheney
iPod Top Three
|
The
all-important list of what Dick's listening to (irony is dead,
BTW):
1. "Killing
An Arab" - Cure
2. "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" - Tears for Fears
3. "Kill
the Poor" - Dead Kennedys |
Archives |
Please feel
free to revisit our embarrassing past ventures:
General
TDT Archives
Survivor recaps: S5, S6, S7
Survivor spoils: S5, S6, S7 |
Contact
us |
 Please
address your
venom-filled missives to:
truedorktimes.com |
|
