Editorial note: The writings presented here do not necessarily represent the views of the True Dork Times, deathsuite.org, or the writers themselves.  Then again, maybe they do.  As editors, of course, we could actually sit down, read through all the crap that piles up here, and edit them before posting.  But that's a lot of work, which is hard.  Plus we figure, if you can't spell, what chance is there of us teaching you now?

Today's letter:  Somebody named "B.J. Johnson" (who may go the alias 'Brandy Aniff') presents:

I hate my retarded mulatto brother
By B.J. Johnson

  That's it!  I can't take it anymore!  I am just going to come out and say it.  I hate my retarded mulatto brother.  He has ruined my life and I am not going to take it any more.  Mom says I should love him because he is my brother and it doesn't matter if he has a learnign disability. Well, I'd like to see her describe little Hojo on ebay and have him sell!

  Now, every single time I time I turn on this crappy Sega Dreamcast and play another stupid game of Quackers all I can think is that if my brother had been born white and only semi-retarded he would have been sold by now.  I should be playing Armored Core 2 on the Sony Playstation II just like my friend Billy is across the street.  But instead I am still in 200 MGHz land, just because little Hojo had a Filipino father and stopped breathing for about thirty minutes during delivery.

  Oh yeah we have had a couple of offers for him over ebay, but you gotta be kidding me, 350 dollars?!  That won't even buy an extra controller!  And it's not like he only has one leg or anything!  Those type of bush league antics should be stopped by those people over at ebay.  I don't want to waste any more of my time on people who aren't seriosly interested in buying a child.

 And don't tell me a Dreamscape is just as good as Playstation 2.  Cuz it's not.  That's like saying an eight year old kid is just as good as a four year old kid.  Try selling that load of hooey to the Saudi's! They'll reject you and your crappy black market kid faster than they would fire a scud missile at a jewish synagogue.

 I mean we are talking 66 milion raw polygons per second, a 300 MHZ processor.  On the Sony version of Madden 2001 Ray Lewis can Sack the quaterback, knife two cheerleaders and down a forty using only the one third of the available processing power! My piece of shit Dreamcast only has the capability of 3 million rpps.  That Sucks.  I might as well be playing "Frogger".

  Meanwhile Hojo here is depreciating faster than a 486 at a Comdex convention.  You think it's tough trying to unload mixed race one year old with a learning disbility, wait till that kid hits 5.  Then all the potential purchasers you're left with is lesbian actressess and unmarried 50+ single men who spend alot of time around kinder gardens...if you know what I mean.

  Plus when mom is out working the truck stops, who is left at home to watch him!  Thta's right it's me.  It's not like my Sega plays itself you know.  I got things to do.

 Luckily mom has said that she will cut back on the crank and from now on her clientelle will be teamster only.  The X-box is coming out by Christmas and I gotta a good feeling we might be coming into some major cash in about nine months.

Got something you need to get off your chest?  Of course you do.  As long as it's not a piece of clothing (although we are willing to make exceptions to that rule), we want to know about it!  Publishing preference will be given to poorly-written, hostile and incoherent screeds. Which we will most certainly laugh at.  Fire off your letters to: truedorktimes@yahoo.com