Pluto, little Pluto, is the farthest planet from the Sun.

A group of scientists are petitioning NASA today to declare that Pluto is not a planet. I have a big problem with this for several reasons.

First we live in a democracy. Decisions like this should be put up to a vote. Anybody logging in to vote.com recognizes that people get to vote on topics as wide and varied as "Should the US Congress pass a Tax Cut?", "who has the best breasts in show business?" and "What city has the worst traffic?". Nothing beats polling data like this when confronted with difficult issues. Why should some stodgy group of astromers get to say what is and isn't a planet? Why doesn't my voice count?  Things like this always piss me off.  The arbitrary decalarations, like which direction is "North" and what can be correctly called a "fish" have too long been unchecked by the public. God damn it if most people think that a whale is a fish or that a tomato is a vegetable, then that is how it should be! Fuck those "scientists" who think they know what is best.  My opinion is just as valid as theirs.

Second, this decision is flatly un-American.  The only planet discovered by an American is Pluto!  This is important for several reasons.  It is the hardest planet to find.  Any idiot with a pair of binoculars could have found Mars or Venus.  And Jupiter is friggin huge.  Pluto is tiny, and doesn't have a normal orbit.  Plus it likely wasn't created by the same forces that created the rest of the so called planets orbiting the sun and is merely a captured asteroid.  That makes it hard to find.  Also, we are America, for God's sake.  We get to say what is what on this planet, and we shouldn't have to listen to any slimy Frenchies who have an opinion on space.  I'll listen to you when you put a man on the moon Jean-luc, and not before!

Besides, Interplanet Janet describes Pluto as "little Pluto, the farthest PLANET from the sun."  She says planet!  And the fact that she visits Pluto should be enough.  She isn't Inter-asteroid Janet.  She is Inter-PLANET Janet. Nuff said.

Editor's note:  Technically, Pluto is actually a Kuiper belt object, making it a captured ice ball/comet, rather than a rocky asteroid.

Andy responds:  See, this is the type of elitist scientific mumbo-jumbo that could easily be discounted by a meaningful vote by the populace.  I can make up words too, Jeff.  Pluto is not a "Kuiper belt object" (give me a break, that sounds like something I would buy at the GAP), but instead a Gutenkunst Primordial planetary element, captured in an off-axis elliptical orbit.  Therefore it is not a "comet" as you would claim but instead a planet.  See.  Now you may be able to point to all sorts of book-learning and astronomical charts to support your view, but does that make it more valid than mine?  I think not.