Who's running this jihad anyway?
by Andy Braniff
There are certain groups of people that it is fairly safe to piss off in this country without fear of reprisal. For example, remember last year when some idiot Park Service guy in New Mexico burned down the entire friggin state? Well the artsy liberals of New Mexico got reasonably indignant and then went back to smoking weed and looking for aliens. What's past is past.
This jihad, however, has successvely ticked off the most unstable and quick-to-violence groups of individuals in this country, in what can only be described as horribly poor planning.
First, New Yorkers. I think maybe Osama saw "West Side Story" one to many times and figured that the worst thing he would face in retaliation was a group of well meaning ne'er do wells with a couple of switchblades but hearts of gold. After watching some of the VH1 special the other night. where Osama's rectal opening was mentioned on at least four occasions, I am not sure he knew what he was dealing with. These people have to beat the crap out of someone every day, and if it's not each other then it's going to be someone else.
Second, Texans. Dubya may have been born with a silver foot in his mouth, but that foot was wearing a cowboy boot. Why this didn't occur with Clinton in office I'll never know. The only thing that Texans like more than kicking ass, is if the ass they kick belongs to a non-Christian foreigner who looks "funny". That's three strikes, Osama.
And now postal workers? Are you kidding me? There are 260 million registered guns in this country and half of them have a "Official Dog Repellent for the USPS" sticker on them. And it's during catalog season as well. These guys already have one finger on the sorting machine and the other 4 on the trigger. This is going to get real ugly real fast if Dubya decides to send a care package to Osama delivered by the USPS.
If this trend continues, Osama's next targets are likely to be the Cuban community in South Florida, the Crips from South Central, and the LAPD.