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Oh dear, it's the True Dork Times'
24: Season 3 Life Expectancy Chart!
(Because it's never too soon to think about how many hours fictional TV spies might have left)
And you are... Risk factors Longevity factors Life expectancy
Jack Bauer
Badass CTU dude		 - Always manages to find his way in front of bullets, tree limbs, exploding druglords.
- Ryan: Fox considering Jack-less Season 4.		 - Seemingly immune to actual death. Unless he's not.
- Judging from Tony and Michelle's seeming invincibility, looking good.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe Jack can't die, but he can cry.
Tony Almeida
The soon-to-be inmate		 - Already facing the death penalty, so what's left to lose?
- CNN: Not a main character in Season Four for Tony?		 - Someone has to be the "good guy" at CTU. At least until he's the formerly good guy no longer at CTU.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe Prison, here we come!
Chase Edmunds
Mini-Jack		 - Expendable.
- Ryan rumor: Chase takes a bullet in the finale.
- CNN: Not much of a Season Four for Chase? 		- But what about the baby? Who'll take care of... oh yeah, there's always Kim.
12-1 p.m. Time left
He's got the whole world's fate, in his hand! Let's get this over with. Chop chop!
Michelle Dessler
CTU Agent, Mrs. Tony		 - Seems to enjoy kicking ass.
- CNN: Not much of a Season Four for Michelle?		 - Seems to have an impenetrable force field that keeps viruses from infecting her, or even touching her clothes.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Back to the desk job Already looking forward to conjugal visits
Jane Saunders
Mini-Kim, spawn of evil		 - Not in the briar patch, Br'er FOX, anywhere but the briar patch! - Once she's dead, there's no bargaining chip.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Yawn Abduction-prone, but safe
Pres. David Palmer
He's the boss (sorta); hand blister survivor		 His ex-wife, ex-friend, and ex-friend's wife have all dropped dead in the last 12 hours. Not a good sign, despite Wayne's spin. - He's healthy! Let's give him a hand! No, not you, Mandy.
- The only Prez not to go grey in office. Must be doing something right.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe? Not necessarily immortal
Wayne Palmer
The other brother, Chief of "Staff"		 - Sooner or later, David's just going to have to smack him upside the head. - Pretty much everyone with a grudge against him is dead now.
>12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe Time's still ticking by
Adam Kaufman
Semi-competent CTU techie		 - You wouldn't think there'd be another death at CTU so soon, would you? Well, maybe. But probably not Adam. - Expendable, but not in a risky job. Plus, someone needs to be there to bicker with Chloe.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe Eh, who cares?
Kim Bauer
CTU deer in headlights, child-care worker, mobile wig stand		 - Now pretty much irrelevant for the rest of the show. - Despite repeated attempts, Kim never dies. Also needs to be there to pine for Chase for the rest of the show.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe Even more immortal than Sherry
Chloe O'Brien
CTU sourpuss, de-wormer		 - She has to be a mole, because nobody pays attention to the office weirdo. - Being "misunderstood" is not usually punishable by death, even on this show.
12-1 p.m. Time left
Safe Seems safe

The morgue
And you were... Risk factors Longevity factors Life expectancy
Stephen Saunders
The new face of evil		 - Ryan/SFix: The real outbreak in LA is one of pistol-packing widows. And then there's the black motorcyclist. Ouch! - Well-equipped with weapons and a surprise henchman around every corner! Each more surprising than the last!
12-1 p.m. Time left
Bang! Then bang again? Cuffed and snuffed, 12:10 p.m.
Julia Milliken
Sherry enabler, Wayne temptress		 - Prufrock: Julia will find a gun in the pre-finale hour.
- Pandora: She'll put that gun to good (sort of) use. Twice, in fact.		 - They should leave the deaths for characters with actual stories to fill.
11-12 a.m. Time left
Going out with a bang. Or two. Time's up!
11:58 a.m.
Sherry Palmer
The evil ex		 - She'll find some way to get into trouble.
- Pandora: Julia will solve their murder problems.		 - Sherry will never die, nor will she pay for her sins. Except this season.
11-12 a.m. Time left
Revenge comes back to bite her Whoops, there she goes...
11:57 a.m.
Marcus Alvers
Virus tinkerer, deliveryman		 - Chained to a pipe in a virus-infected hotel may not be the healthiest location.
- Already bleeding before 6 a.m., now presumed dead.		 - If there is an antidote, you'd think he ought to have looked into it. But apparently not.
7-8 a.m. Time left
Just shoot me! Hello!!! Anyone? You may already be dead
Ryan Chappelle
District weasel		 - Pandora: Saunders demands him to be killed (by Jack). Preview shows Jack doing it. Gulp.... - When he goes, who will be the soulless rules-touting bureaucrat at CTU? Oh yeah, that's right, there's a truckload of them at Division.
6-7 a.m. Time left
By 7, in Jack's sights Slumped forward at 6:57 a.m. Thanks, Jack.
Gael Ortega
The bad-then-good CTU tech guy		 - Pandora: Fast-actin' virus does him in just before 6 a.m. - Maybe he should have stuck to his desk job.
5-6 a.m. Time left
Guess I picked a bad week to give up inhaling,,, Virus-related symptoms, circa 5:40 a.m.
Michael Amador
Friendly global virus salesman		 - Pandora: Goes out with a bang.
- Jack Bauer's custody is clearly not the safest place to be. 		- At least makes it another hour... almost.
4-5 a.m. Time left
I'm sure the money must be in this explosion-proof car! Great balls of fire: 4:55 a.m.
Nina Myers
The killer of Jack's wife; former CTU agent		 - Pandora at Mythical Boards: Punched by Kim, bled by Tony, shot by Jack? That's a bad hour... - Still, can Nina really die? Guess so....
2-3 a.m. Time left
Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang!		 Clocked out: 2:59 a.m.
Alan Milliken
Former rich good guy, now rich bad guy		 - When Sherry the Cleaner takes care of things, people get hurt. We're sure it was "accidental," of course.
- Ryan's Report: Sherry did it.		 - Fox episode listing for 12-1 a.m. suggests he's still alive.
1-2 a.m. Time left
Clutching at air, Sherry, the last gasps of life... Time of death: 1:47 a.m.
Ramon Salazar
The bad/good druglord, the older brother, doesn't trust Jack		 - Fox TV ad shows him holding the vial, confronted by Jack and Delta squad, then blowing up.
- Ryan's Report: This is his final episode.
- Storyline has expired.
12-1 a.m. Time left
Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up! Exploded, 00:50
Hector Salazar
The good/bad druglord, the little brother, Jack's "buddy"		 - Both of the Salazars are seemingly not long for this world.
- Story's played out, Claudia's dead, Delta squads moving in.		 - None obvious.
11-12 p.m. Time left
Trouble a-brewin' Expired, 00:05