By Hyam Onphyre
True Dork Disaster Specialist

TOKYO, Japan (TDT)  Following closely on the heels of the harrowing accounts chronicled in the documentary, "Godzilla 2000," nervous Tokyo citizens have another reason to fear the destruction of their great, but notoriously vulnerable, city.  American scientists point to the potential emergence of another hideous mutant, referred to by the Japanese as "Dobba-ru," the son of the "Bush-ra" monster that tormented Japan from 1989 through 1992.

The destruction caused by Bush-ra was extensive and severe.  After Japanese officials attempted to mollify the monster with a state dinner, Bush-ra responded by vomiting profusely in the Prime Minister's lap.  This incident has been linked in the press to a cavalcade of disasters that have befallen Japan in recent years, from the sagging yen, to the Kobe earthquake, to the defection of ace reliever Kazuhiro Sasaki to the Seattle Mariners, and even isolated  incidents of the challenger winning on "Iron Chef."

"Please save us! It has been horrible!" a visibly distraught Tetsuo Masahiko, a Tokyo newsstand owner, begged reporters.

Scientists speculate that the wrath of Dobba-ru could be even more devastating.  Several characteristics of Dobba-ru suggest the monster may be the product of sinister genetic engineering experiments.  Dobba-ru displays characteristics of both a former fratboy and cheerleader, but with a dinosaur-like behavior and intelligence.  "Our research indicates he will have even less ability to control his vomiting if he gains access to alcohol," researcher Kenji Yakahara predicted.

Indeed, the available evidence is troubling.  Expressing a patent disregard for human life, Dobba-ru has been linked to more than 100 execution-style deaths this year in the state of Texas alone.  The head of Dobba-ru looks mysteriously similar to Bush-ra, leading scientists to believe the new monster may have some genetic material in common with Bush-ra, and may perhaps be his son.

Tokyo emergency officials were not immediately clear on their plan of attack, should Dobba-ru strike.  "We'll probably try to shoot it.  If that doesn't work, and he starts destroying buildings, we'll most likely just run around screaming, like we usually do."