Once I had this pet mouse. We'll call him Wilbur. He had brown fur, beady black eyes.

One day I scooped out his brains with an egg spoon, and replaced them with the central nervous system of a small bird. I think it was a sparrow, but it was hard to tell after the cat had finished with it.

Wilbur seemed happy, but you could tell he was a little upset, because he was couldn't fly anymore. He'd jump up and wiggle his arms, but nothing was happening.

On the plus side, one day he laid three perfect Faberge eggs. What are the odds? And he's a boy!

Anyway, I turned a tidy profit selling them on e-bay, and now Wilbur has all the worms he could ever want.

The end.

Back to the True Dork Times