Poll reveals Americans rapidly becoming unable to identify Afghanistan
Analysts unconcerned, worry that vital news on Oscar winners might otherwise be missed

By Ham Nysia
True Dork Times Selective Memory Editor

TDT HEADQUARTERS, At an undisclosed location somewhere in the U.S. (TDT)   For a few months, they made books on the Taliban and Islam best sellers, but a new True Dork Times poll indicates that the American public has now reverted almost completely to its pre-9/11 lack of awareness of Afghanistan.  Of over three thousand people polled, less than one percent were able to correctly identify it as a Central Asian country, and of those, only 5% could locate it on a map.

Media analysts and statisticians, after analyzing the data, attributed the problem to media overload, a situation in which a constant onslaught of new topics displaces ones previously held at the center of attention.  As examples, the researchers noted that not a single pollee demonstrated any recognition whatsoever of the names Oliver North, Gennifer Flowers, Gary Condit, or Kato Kaelin.

"In fairness," statistician Paul Murky explained, "Americans have had a lot of important news on their plates in the past few months, so it's natural a few facts would start to get fuzzy here and there.  First there was the Super Bowl, and all the new commercials that came with it.  I mean, there are something like seven or eight different Britney Spears Pepsi commercials alone. Then there were the Winter Olympics, and the Grammys.  Even the Golden Globes attracted some attention this year, although for the life of us, we can't understand why.  Mostly, we just hope the media doesn't overblow this, and miss vital news on the Oscar winners."

Among supplementary poll questions, 59% of Americans believed the U.S. had won the War on Terrorism, pointing to the increased removal of passenger shoes by airport screeners as a welcome reminder of our lasting victory.  "Now that the high school dropouts who are chatting with each other as my bags are going through the X-ray are government employees, I know nothing bad can ever happen again," one respondent stated, confidently.  Of those who answered affirmatively to the War on Terrorism question, most listed "because we killed that bin Laden guy," as the reason.  Additionally, 75% declared a decisive victory had been achieved in the War on Drugs, along with 87% for the War on Cancer.

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