One side of a typical Blockbuster conversation
by Andy Braniff
"Yes, this is the only video I want today."
"Are you sure that was late, I am fairly certain that I returned it in the morning, maybe you just did not check it until after 12."
"Fine, I will pay it."
"No thank you, I do not want to be a member of the Blockbuster Rewards club."
"No really, I do not plan on renting 12 videos a month, and even if I did I would not have time to watch any free video 'Favorites' that I would earn for free."
"No really, I do not want to know about all the other advantages of becoming a Rewards member, even if it means I get to rent free videos on Monday thru Wednesday, which we both know I will never do."
"Once again, no, I do not want a free 'Favorites' selection just for signing up for a Rewards membership. You and I both know that your idea of a 'Favorite' is Beastmaster and Trading Places, both of which are shown on TNT 400 friggin' times a day."
"Yes, you make a good point, I may save money in the long run with a Rewards mebership. I would also save money if I brought a goddamn flamethrower in here and burnt you, your bogus 'Favorites' selections and your forty five copies of The Grinch that Saved Christmas to a motherfucking crisp."
"I am sorry, that was over the line. But it is just that at the moment I feel that I am already ripping off Blockbuster. What with your horrible selection of DVD's, your multiple copies of Armageddon, your belief that stocking your shelves with Jet Li movies constitutes a 'Foreign Film' section, your draconian return policy and your constant harrassment of me with this bogus Rewards shit that we both know is just some money-grubbing scheme to rescue your chairman out of the debt he caused by 'Car-Nation' franchises, it seems like I am geting the better part of the deal already. If I were to give you 10 more dollars to participate in this Rewards membership, it would be tantamount to stealing. Now why don't shut the fuck up and ring up my charge and I swear to God that if you mention the Rewards mebership one more time I will punch you in the mouth."