Based on the frequent charge that we are just too negative around here, we've decided to set a precedent for happy, inclusive, uniter-not-a-divider rhetoric, by compiling a list of Things Which Don't Suck.  We envisioned this is as a rapidly-changing, frequently-updated list, which takes into account our reader's suggestions.  So far, this has meant you'll be lucky to see it change more than once a month, and it currently reflects entirely our overworked staff's opinions.

E-mail your suggestions to: truedorktimes@truedorktimes.com if you think a different strategy should be in order.

These are a few of our semi-favorite things, in no particular order.

1. Tool videos
Why can't more bands have disturbing Claymation videos featuring lots of body part removal/morphing?  And the best part, no footage of the band members' unoriginal facial hair or tattoos!  Sadly, Tool's prog-rocking metal now seems almost adventurous.

2. The amazing correlation between blink-182's popularity and their suckiness
Proving once again what we've always known.  We were subjected to "Dammit (Growing Up)" on the radio the other day, and found ourselves thinking it was, well, comparatively rockin' relative to their most recent bilge.  And we strongly recalled thinking it sucked when it came out.  Maybe if they spent less time being MTV's performing monkeys, and more time listening to and/or writing music, they could reverse some of the damage.  Nah, probably not.

3. The ESPN "Marquis de Sod" commercial
When the sprinklers came on, we just about wet our pants.

4. Steve Albini on NPR
Perhaps answering our lingering speculation about Bob Weston?  Made a guest appearance on "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me," (poorly) answering questions about psychic powers.  Managed to plug Big Black's Songs About Fucking, his antipathy for CDs, and his disdain for the music industry in general.  Kick ass!  We're virtually certain Chicago-based host Peter Sagal had absolutely no idea who Mr. Albini is, despite his carefully-scripted repartee. Note to NPR: Please play more Tortoise, Slint and Shellac between segments!

5. The Most Unwanted Song
(As featured on This American Life's January 2, 1998 show, "Numbers").  Poll-driven musicmaking, combining the least-liked instruments, voices, styles, length and content of songs.  How cana song that combines rapping opera sopranos and children's choirs possibly be bad?  Despite Vernon Reid's participation in the "Most Wanted" song, the "Unwanted" one is several hundred times better, as anyone who has been to McDonalds, tasted Velveeta, watched a sitcom, or used a Microsoft product can readily attest.  But hey, who's counting.

6. Well-meaning, understimulated senior citizens who write indignant letters to the editor, bemoaning the corrupting influence of sports car commercials on the driving habits of today's youth
Bless their Amish hearts.