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By Crappy the Smart-Assed Toilet
True Dork Times Mascot and Craven
Attempt to Appeal to the Lowest Common Denominator
This month, the crap that clogs my pipes is...
| All those *NSYNC commercials for Chili's | Just when you thought that "Chili's babyback ribs" jingle couldn't possibly get more annoying, a stroke of advertising genius demonstrates a way to make it so. What, did some crackpot study show that pre-teens are massive tippers at chain restaurants, or something. On the other hand, this does explain where Joey "The Fat One" Fatone got his name, though. So, in a sense, it's educational. |
 FOX
cancels Futurama |
Bender, from one animated, anthropomorphic, openly-hostile servant of humankind to another, you got jobbed. First they stick you in the suicide time slot against a perennial top-10 show, then they pre-empt you pretty much the entire first three months of the season, and show football instead. Then the Olympics finish you off. Let's hope you end up somewhere good, like HBO, and not some crap cable outlet like those Freaks and Geeks did. |
| KISS at the Winter Olympics Closing Ceremonies | Just think, Sarah Hughes, in about eight years, when another teenager has long since knocked you off your perch, you too can writhe around on the ice in see-through clothes in the dead of winter, while a bunch of overweight senior citizens in spandex, tights and heavy clown makeup sing allegedly "hard rock" songs that are older than you are! Way to go! USA! USA! USA! |
| Peter Jackson announces the slithery-tongued, goofy talking, vaguely amphibian Gollum will be computer-generated in The Two Towers | Jar Jar lives! Jar Jar lives! |
| The shadow government, hiding in a bunker somewhere near Washington | This may also be the secret location of Dick Cheney, the energy task force minutes, and the new digs for the Office of Strategic Influence, now that the Defense department booted them. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.... |
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