In the true Christmas spirit, the Bush administration has decided to sic DOJ investigative squads on whoever leaked news of the NSA’s domestic spying program. And as we’re sure John Yoo would agree, if the Bush administration even suspects one of their own may have said something that casts the whole operation in a bad light, even if they’re merely exposing the administration’s complete disregard for the rule of law, they must automatically be “enemy combatants,” and can therefore be shipped off to Uzbekistan for some good, old-fashioned, extreme rendition. Good times, good times.
And with that in mind: Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we’ve just lost the picture, but what we’ve seen speaks for itself. The Constitution has apparently been taken over — ‘conquered’ if you will — by a master race of giant space elephants. It’s difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the elephants will soon be here. And we for one welcome our new NSA overlords. We’d like to remind them that as a trusted blog-based personality, we can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground peanut caves.
In the immortal words of various members of the Bluth family: “Her?”
(Translation for those of you who don’t watch Arrested Development, but should: Bland, dull, unexciting).
As for Survivor: Panama - Exile Island, it looks even more dull than we originally expected. So in quitting watching and spoiling this show, we can safely say: “We haven’t made a huge mistake.”
Update: Wait, there’s a pill we can take for this. (Removes from annoying packaging). Forget-me-now. Forget-me-now. Ah, that’s better. What were we saying again? Eh, doesn’t ring a bell. Guess we’d better get to work on the S12 pages. Carry on.
We’re reminded that, barring some miracle, the last handful of episodes of Arrested Development are upon us. There’s not a whole hell of a lot we can do about it (much as we felt about Freaks and Geeks).
Wait, maybe there is.
It took us long enough to figure it out, but Survivor has outlived its watchability by about three years. So, we will not be picking up the option of covering Survivor 12, or an future edition, here at the True Dork Times. Let’s just say we’re cutting our order back from 14 to 11 (minus the ones we already ignored).
That felt good.
While we’re at it, we won’t be paying any attention here to FOX’s 24, either. It’s never regained the brilliance of its first season, and as it ages, it slips more and more embarassingly into the many combustible cliches of Action Movie Excess emptiness. So… no game, no Life Expectancy, no spoilers. Jack Bauer, you’re on your own. Although we’re sure you’ll still be perfectly capable of walking into any room and slaughtering all 99 people inside with nary a scratch. Whatever. Call us when you want someone to write a story arc where Jack tortures someone, they tell him what he wants to hear, and millions of people die because the info was bogus. We won’t be holding our breath, but the option’s open.
We’re not sure what we’ll do with all our newfound free time. Perhaps we’ll have to pick up an unhealthy habit, like reading books or something. Nah, probably just more Sudoku.
