We regret to inform you that this week’s Survivor: Panama - Exile Island recap suddenly took ill, at the worst time possible (right in the middle of the creative process - which usually involves sitting around, doing other things, and occasionally thinking… hmm, maybe someone ought to write a recap), and was removed from our otherwise complete set of utterly useless approximations of what didn’t really happen on the show.

Don’t worry, after a few days (Has it been seven already? Yikes!) of observation in intensive care, we’re pretty sure the recap will make it through, although it’s likely to be in the form of what you see here. Which, when you think about it, is a damn sight closer to an actual recap than we usually provide.

You’re welcome!

Coming up next week: Science reveals that one of the four accepted dimensions is, in fact, a figment of our imaginations. Stop by as we reveal which one! (Hint: If you’re invested in Z-axis stocks, this might be a good time to re-evaluate your portfolio).