OK folks, I'm pissed off enough to write another rant about a peeve of mine, and it should be yours too.  Club cards at grocery stores.  They suck.  They are an invasion of privacy, big time.  I will explain, but first...

In case you don't have these where you live, grocery stores here have these special "Club Cards" that you sign up for to get discounts on food.  You shop, swipe your Club Card at the checkout, and save a buck or two.  Sounds fairly innocuous, right?  WRONG!

Droves and droves of sleepwalking customers willingly fill in their name, address, telephone number, driver's license number, email address, and Social Security number on the form as they quiver with delight thinking of all the hard earned money they will save.  Too bad they miss the fact that they have just been raped and robbed.    If they bothered to check, they would find that their privacy has just been surgically removed and replaced with a direct pipeline to the data collection and marketing department of the SuperMegaCorp that runs the grocery store.

Every time you use that "Club" card, you are adding to the personal data file that the Corporation is keeping on you.  Remember that time you bought the 1.75L of tequila and a big box of condoms?  That went in the file.  But you saved 50 cents!  How about the time you purchased the extra-large bottle of blood-stain remover, rubber gloves, six pounds of raw liver, and a big jar of Vaseline?  That went in the file.  But you saved 75 cents!

Well, maybe you just bought some fixin's for a salad (you'll return later for the plastic gallon jug of generic vodka and 24 pack of Alka-seltzer).  The point is that the store, or the corporation that owns the store, has no right to collect and use the information that they are collecting and using.  Even if they say they aren't using this information, do you believe that?  I do not.

Your buying habits are recorded.  They are linked to all of your personal information.  This information is very valuable.  And it will be sold to other companies.  So now the utterly unscrupulous marketing company has the exact details on your five cantaloupe a day habit.  Suddenly you are receiving phone calls and email urging you to buy special cantaloupe bowls and mugs.  You have NO PRIVACY ANYMORE.  And those bowls are damn ugly.

Yes, we all like to spend less rather than more.  Sometimes those discounts on raw liver are pretty good.  So what is to be done?  How can I spend less and protect my privacy at the same time?  As always, I have researched the options for you sleepers and I have devised a three pronged salad fork of attack.

One.  Give FAKE information when filling out those forms!  FAKE name, address, phone number.  Personally, I will not even give a fake driver's license number or Social Security number.   The fact that they are asking for that information is just plain offensive.  Once when I was feeling saucy, I gave the obviously fake name of Joseph Blowe directly to the manager of the store.  She asked me if that was my real name.  I told her no, it was not my real name, then explained how I found the whole "Club Card" concept to be an invasion of privacy and WAY out of line.  She did get a little steamed at this humble freedom fighter, but I walked out of the store with my new "Club Card" made out to Joe Blowe.  Its easy and fun!  Try it!

Fake information on the sign-up form will still get you your card and discount, but it will also create a less useful database for the store.  If shopping habits cannot be traced back to a (real) individual, then the database is less valuable, and there is some small chance that the stores will get the hint and stop raping their customers of their privacy.

Two.  COMPLAIN, you nincompoop!  Make waves.  Don't make it so easy for the stores to rip you off.  Complain about the invasion of privacy when asked to "swipe yer card, please."  Complain loudly enough so that other customers will hear you.  Spread the idea that it is NOT OK for the store to be doing this.  Be a pain in the ass every time you go into the store!  Ask yourself, are you a sheep, a lemming, part of the humble "herd"?  Or do you speak up for yourself and your rights when you have to, even though it may make you or someone else uncomfortable?

Three.  Shop only at grocery stores that respect their customers and do NOT use "Club Cards."  Albertson's here in southern California is a good example of a major chain that does not use those stinking cards and still gives discounts on Jello and lima beans and such.  They get my business.

And they will never know who it was who bought that dozen roses, bottle of Sweaty Jack's fortified Champagne, and two cans of whipped cream.