| So
it's come to this: A selection from "TDT Classic" |
Survivor
13: Cook Islands |
Satanists
issue apology for June 6, 2006 lapses
Organization
admits it is falling 'way behind' in disseminating dire
predictions
By Lucy Furr , True Dork Times Demonology
Editor
Originally published: August,
2002 |
BURBANK,
California (AGB) Satanists issued a broad apology today
for falling behind on their Doomsday predictions for June 6,
2006, a date that will be written as 6/6/6 on many calendars. Satanist
leader, Evil Lord Scott Williams, issued the apology amid rumors
that the date had been forgotten by Satanist goups altogether.
"We know it's coming," stated Williams,
"we just really got behind with the whole millenium prediction in
1999, the Pat Buchanan campaign in 2000, and of course, the stock market
collapse." the Evil Lord states. "The downside of that last
part, which we didn't really think through or see coming, was that our
funding just dried up."
In 2001, the Satanists' corporate front, Doomsday666.com,
Inc., failed to garner a third round of venture capital investment. Due to this
lack of finances, Evil Lord Scott Williams was forced to lay off his many of
his "minions" and continue to build Satan's web presence on his own.
"I bought Javascript for Dummies at a garage
sale," Evil Lord Scott continued," but it just doesn't have all the
extras that we need. Like a Doomsday Clock, giant Satan Head pop-up windows,
and a way to link directly to Mr. Buchanan's large library of writings."
Unfortunately, those interested in learning more about
doomsday666.com will have to find their information elsewhere. Recently, the
Satanists lost their domain name in a copyright dispute with Marvel Comics. "We
are considering Satans-comin-in-666.com, or Doomsday667.com,"
Williams explained, "but our lawyers are still looking into it."
Until that time, the Satanists will largely be relying on word of mouth,
and the Catholic Church, to spread the news about the end of the world.
As it stands now, the Satanists are by their own reckoning
well behind on their preparations for their big day. They have only just begun
to accept bids to host the 6/6/6 celebration/ end-of the world extravaganza.
Currently, only Salt Lake City has submitted a bid.
"They are way ahead of the game, thanks again to Mitt Romney and
the whole Olympics organizational structure." Evil Lord Scott stated,
"In some ways, I wish we could have more of that Mormon go-get-'em
attitude throughout the rest of our organization."
The Evil Lord stuck by his group, and warned people that
even if the Satanists don't get the word out by June 6, 2006, the world will
still definitely end on that date. "A 6/6/6 date only comes around every
so often," he growled, "and by the time it arrives you will know the
end has come!" The Evil Lord concluded by stating that, "even if we
don't get our act together in time this century, we will be definitely be ready
by 2106." |
|
|
As previously spoiled,
the next edition of Survivor will be filmed at the Aitutaki
atoll, Cook Islands, from late June through early August, 2006.
As you'd probably guess, you'll likely find
more of the same show-related crap here. |
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