| So
it's come to this: A selection from "TDT Classic" |
Survivor
13: Cook Islands |
Tokyo
residents fear Dobba-ru, son of Bush-ra, attack
Army, scientists on high alert
By Hyam Onphyre, True Dork Times Disaster
Editor
Originally published: November,
2000 |
TOKYO,
Japan (TDT) Following closely on the heels of the harrowing
accounts chronicled in the documentary, Godzilla 2000,
nervous Tokyo citizens have another reason to fear the destruction
of their great, but notoriously vulnerable, city. American
scientists point to the potential emergence of another hideous
mutant, referred to by the Japanese as "Dobba-ru," the son of
the "Bush-ra" monster that tormented Japan from 1989 through
1992.
The destruction caused by Bush-ra was extensive and severe. After
Japanese officials attempted to mollify the monster with a state
dinner, Bush-ra responded by vomiting profusely in the Prime
Minister's lap. This incident has been linked in the press
to a cavalcade of disasters that have befallen Japan in recent
years, from the sagging yen, to the Kobe earthquake, to the defection
of ace reliever Kazuhiro Sasaki to the Seattle Mariners, and
even isolated incidents of the challenger winning on Iron
Chef.
 "Please
save us! It has been horrible!"
a visibly distraught Tetsuo Masahiko, a Tokyo newsstand owner,
begged reporters.
Scientists speculate that the wrath of
Dobba-ru could be even more devastating. Several characteristics
of Dobba-ru suggest the monster may be the product of sinister
genetic engineering experiments. Dobba-ru displays characteristics
of both a former fratboy and cheerleader, but with a dinosaur-like
behavior and intelligence. "Our research indicates he will
have even less ability to control his vomiting if he gains access
to alcohol," researcher Kenji Yakahara predicted.
Indeed, the available evidence is troubling. Expressing
a patent disregard for human life, Dobba-ru has been linked to
more than 100 execution-style deaths this year in the state of
Texas alone. The head of Dobba-ru looks mysteriously similar
to Bush-ra, leading scientists to believe the new monster may
have some genetic material in common with Bush-ra, and may perhaps
be his son.
Tokyo emergency officials were not immediately
clear on their plan of attack, should Dobba-ru strike.
"We'll probably try to shoot it. If that doesn't work,
and he starts destroying buildings, we'll most likely just run
around screaming, like we usually do." |
|
|
As previously spoiled,
the next edition of Survivor will be filmed at the Aitutaki
atoll, Cook Islands, from late June through early August, 2006.
As you'd probably guess, you'll likely find
more of the same show-related crap here. |
| |
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| Survivor
12: Panama - Exile Island |
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Above are the far-too-many Survivor: Panama - Exile Island options
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calendar. We know it's difficult, but please try to avoid hyperventilating. |
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Use at your own risk. |
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you should go if you don't see new content above: |
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